I'm unsure as to how well it all flows. Can somebody please take a look at it and give me their thoughts? Thanks!
Prompt:
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
Essay:
A list of accomplishments could ring out exemplifying each of the traits of vires in my life, but none of them so accurately sum up the word as my experience as class president, an experience that would change my title, my school, and myself, forever.
I flipped my phone off and took a breath. I had a T.V. interview at six, a press conference with three newspapers at seven, and the meeting that would decide my political fate was about to begin. I was already outnumbered. Five members of student council sat across the massive oak table, all with a look of disgust on their face as I arrived. The principal and advisors sat at the head of the table, and didn't exactly jump with glee when I walked in either. A student from the school newspaper sat in the corner with a laptop, his tape recorder sitting as the centerpiece. The resemblance between a high profile court case and this meeting was daunting.
We started with the basics: names, dates, and numbers. Five Student Council members took turns unleashing their fury upon me. I sat there as I was accused of cheating, lying, and fraud. I wanted to retaliate, jump up and scream my rebuttal. But I couldn't. I was here representing 300 of my classmates, and losing my cool at a time like this would throw away everything I'd worked for. Some people told me I'd done the right thing; that this was a revelation. Others called me a liar, a fraud, and said I should be impeached of the presidency. I had to stand up for what was right; I wouldn't back down a coward. Student Council finished sharing their thoughts, the principal turned to me. I started slow, my mind carefully examining every word before I spoke. I couldn't afford a misstep. The homecoming dance had been overpriced for decades. Students complained for years, yet action was never taken, until I stepped in. As class president, I demanded a budget. At first, however, I was denied. The advisor told me I didn't have the right, Student Council members told me to mind my own business. People told me to drop it, that it wasn't worth the fight. Something in my gut told me different. I persisted for weeks, going through teachers, administrators, and finally the superintendent, before I laid eyes on a budget report. The results shocked me. Student Council had created an $8,000 slush fund, and spilt it among themselves at the conclusion of the year. I took it straight to the administration, it leaked to the press, and pandemonium ensued. Student council was infuriated that they had been labeled as scammers, livid that the truth had finally come out. After hours in the conference room, it came to an end. Student Council issued a ticket refund and the scholarships ceased to exist.
Sometimes standing up for what is right is difficult, yet in the end, the vires within us is truly reflected.
it's 499 words, limit is 500. Let me know what you think.
Five members of student council sat across the massive oak table, all with a looks of disgust on their faces as I arrived . ---- I like it this way.
I think you should rewrite your first paragraph so that it becomes a paragraph about the main lesson this experience taught you about the nature of vires.
I had to stand up for what was right; I wouldn't back down as a coward. Student Council finished sharing their thoughts, and the principal turned to me. I started slowly , my mind carefully examining every word before I spoke. I couldn't afford a misstep.
The advisor adviser told me I didn't have ...
Very good!! Ha ha, I love it. Were the student council members really making money at the end of the year? That is pretty crazy...
