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'Climax in my life' Texas Application Personal Essay Topic C


umalooma 1 / -  
Sep 20, 2012   #1
Prompt: There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

The process of achieving a goal is somewhat similar to that of the creation of a story. There is the exposition ï the described goal ï the rising action, representing the failures that have occurred, and finally, the climax, or in most cases the epitome of success. Of course there is the dreaded path where the climax is skipped, everything heads downhill, and one ends up living miserably in a dark cold cave ï but before I continue, might I mention that this is not the path I took. I took the successful path most travelled by and prospered. In the past years, I have learned to accept the struggles of life through my experiences abroad and my extracurricular activities.

My journey began when with my move to Abu Dhabi. Abu what? That was exactly what I thought when I first heard of my dad's job transfer five and a half years ago. The hot weather and Marina walkway were only two of the pictures in my scrapbook of this new life. Moving to foreign country in middle of a school year is a challenge for any 6th grader. The school I attended, The American Community School of Abu Dhabi, offered a culturally diverse environment consisting of students from over 70 different countries. Within a month of arriving, I travelled to Bahrain to compete in the Eastern Mediterranean Athletic Conference, EMAC, for cross-country. The friendships I formed during this event eased the transition into the new school and allowed me to focus on the course work. With basketball being my favorite sport, the challenge of not playing on the JV team was a bit upsetting, but was easily made up for after diving into the unique culture of Bahrain.

The different aspects of basketball brought joy to me at a very young age. After feeling the fine groves of the basketball for the first time, it soon became a passion and I played throughout the year travelling cities in Texas for tournaments. I continued playing basketball even after I moved to Abu Dhabi, and I represented to school in many tournaments in countries within the region. The challenge of balancing my passion for the sport and my success in academics always persisted. Because of the tremendous time-commitment, maintaining this balance required dedication, hard work and sacrifices. To compromise this, I took books to tournaments so I could complete homework and prepare for upcoming tests between the games. TRANSITION

I moved back to Texas during the summer before my sophomore year of high school. When we moved back, my entire perspective of the world had been completely reoriented. Academically, I was selected to enroll in a special school that focused on science and math, The Academy of Science and Technology. Unfortunately, my classes from 9th grade were transferred as 4.0 credits as the course titles did not correspond with those of the Pre-AP designation at my current high school. This caused a drop in my GPA and ranking among my peers and I was placed in the top 25% of the graduating class. Academics have always been highly valued by my family and I, and this setback only made me work harder to improve my GPA while balancing my extracurricular activities. Given my interest in pursuing medicine in college, I enrolled in all the AP Science and Math courses to prepare myself for the challenges ahead. Through dedication and hard work, I was able to improve my GPA and my ranking to top 13% of the graduating class at the end of the junior year.

While there were many challenges in moving overseas and returning home to a challenging academic program, the experience offered the opportunity to appreciate the various cultures around the world, allowed me to travel to places that I have only dreamed of, and made me stronger as an individual to take on new challenges.
foxyh 5 / 7 1  
Oct 1, 2012   #2
Very nice essay. There is not much for me to tell you to improve on so just to suggest something I must point out that "coursework" is one word.

"Unfortunately, my classes from 9th grade were transferred as 4.0 credits as the course titles did not correspond with those of the Pre-AP designation at my current high school. This caused a drop in my GPA and ranking among my peers and I was placed in the top 25% of the graduating class. Academics have always been highly valued by my family and I, and this setback only made me work harder to improve my GPA ..."

I found this passage a bit difficult to understand. I know that it was something that made school harder and I know because there were no transferable course between countries, but I am not sure why a GPA transferred as a 4.0 would cause this. Maybe it is just me, maybe someone in an academic setting would understand this no problem, but it is something to consider.


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