The prompt for this common app essay is Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
"The Clintons just want a dynasty."
I was in the middle of a heated family political debate (an almost daily occurrence in an election year), and struggled to get this point out. In my defense, I didn't truly believe it. The phrase was a hybrid of things I heard on CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News. It was 2008 at the time and the democratic primary was approaching, increasing tensions in my house ten fold. After some sarcastic insult from my sisters I immediately regretted trying to make a point. I resigned from the debate, envious of my sister's opinionated and stubborn nature that gave her a penchant for arguments.
This was the general progression of most family debates. I would sit and listen for some time, try to make a point I heard somewhere else, and then defeatedly space out as the debate continued. Looking back, these household disputes epitomized my childhood - I had a good memory and an interest in politics, but I could never form an original idea. I lacked the individual thought that comes with adulthood. The knowledge was there but I always failed to insert my own analysis into the mix. The result was a few phrases that didn't quite fit in with the argument and a lot of lost debates.
Today, these debates are very different. After I grew out of the awkward middle school phase, a subtle transition began to occur. I entered high school, joined debate, and my arguments began to make sense. It was now 2011 and Obama's approval rating was dropping faster than ever before, sparking new debates in the MYLASTNAME household. My dad consistently praised every action of the President while my sister insisted that he had failed as a leader. This string of debates, still ongoing today, is the first time I was able to make significant contributions to the conversation. Instead of simply repeating the words of Anderson Cooper or Chris Matthews, I came up with my own ideas, whether they be on the constitutionality of drone strikes or the strength of the economic recovery. This newfound ability to formulate original ideas has been crucial since I discovered it. I lead class discussions, win debate competitions, and have never resigned from a household argument since.
A sense of originality and individuality is what truly defines adults. Anybody can listen and repeat the news as I did in sixth grade, but only those who are more mature can make their own cohesive opinions. Although I recognize that I am not completely an adult, the originality of ideas is a large step toward independence and maturity.
Now "the Clintons just want a dynasty" has become a running joke in my house. Every few months it is repeated by one of my sisters and everybody laughs with them. I laugh too, fondly remembering the times when I agreed with what I heard on cable news.
Any suggestions, comments, or revisions are welcome and greatly appreciated. Specifically I want to focus on answering the prompt specifically and my language usage.
Thank you!
Good organization of the essay, but you may want to ask yourself, "Have I answered the question?" Maybe emphasize the event of joining Debate more. Also, did you say "The Clintons just want a dynasty" in your example at the beginning of your essay? Finish that story.
Thank you for your comments. "The Clintons just want a dynasty was actually the first line of the essay in quotation marks, not the title so I think it was clear that I said it during my story. How is my word choice throughout the essay? Does it need improvement?
