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'I close one eye' - Case Western Reserve University Pre-Professionals Scholars


lklklk124 4 / 7 1  
Nov 4, 2012   #1
Thanks for visiting mah thread and helpin out! If you seriously give advice on the essay, I promise that I will help you out in return.

How do you see yourself being particularly suited to this field? What events and/or experiences have led you to your choice? This essay should be between 250 and 500 words in length.

I close one eye, open the other wide and lean towards the eyepiece that would serve as a window into "a miniature universe," as my 7th grade science teacher would exclaim. After fidgeting with the focus knobs for a bit, the image blurred and refocused into an incredibly diverse and intricate microcosm that seemed much too small and interesting to exist in a single, mundane drop of pond water. While my peers were repulsed by the thought that microscopic protists lived in the same water that they wade in sometimes, I could not stop following the movement of the Paramecium that darted so elegantly around under the cover-slip of the slide.

It was a fascination that left a deep impression that I still marvel at today. Biology, Chemistry, and then AP Biology constantly provided me with mental nourishment; I've exclaimed "wow!" so many times in class that people have compared it to an endless echo. I relived this feeling of mind-blowing when I set a piece of magnesium ribbon on fire and discovered that soybeans undergo cellular respiration like any living organism does among many other experiments. Of course, I was glad that I was learning the many principles that govern the world we live in but in my opinion, the greatest satisfaction that I enjoyed was the knowledge that I could apply many of the principles and facts that I learned to real life. Suddenly, I saw my surroundings with a newfound comprehension and respect; I was especially pleased to realize that I could look at the Nutrition Facts on the back of a cereal box and understand how each component affects my body! Hopefully, in the future, I will be able to utilize the knowledge that I reap from my research to benefit the world and alleviate glaring and torturous world problems such as disease and hunger.

Why do I see myself being suited to this field? An appropriate answer would be that I cannot see myself NOT going into this field later on. The sheer thrill of discovering and then understanding nature's phenomena is reason enough for me to always be attracted to the beakers, burets, and Bunsen burners that help me make those discoveries and I eagerly wait for the day when my contributions will improve, even slightly, the quality of life in this world.

:)
Thanks for reading
Premed0 5 / 10 1  
Nov 5, 2012   #2
"I relived this feeling of mind-blowing -This is awkward. Reword the mind-blowing part. when I set a piece of magnesium ribbon on fire and discovered that soybeans undergo cellular respiration like any living organism does among many other experiments" - The among many other experiments part sounds odd when you read the whole sentence. I recommend rewording it.

"benefit the world and alleviate glaring and torturous world problems" World is a bit redundant here.

"An appropriate answer would be that I cannot see myself NOT going into this field later on" - I know you're trying to seem witty here but I don't think admissions will appreciate the vagueness.

Another thing that I recommend changing is the conclusion. You don't seem to draw as unique a conclusion as admissions might like since the "I want to change the world" is a relatively generic conclusion. Try making it more personalized and reflective?

Could you please look at mine? I messed up with the conclusion as well but I need some info on how I can fix all the boringness in it lol.


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