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Cloudhouse - another essay for Common app Topic of my choice

hanhdung 5 / 26  
Nov 11, 2009   #1
This is another one, my friend told me it is the best of all my essays, I just want some feedback on the idea. Some one told me its way too...on the sky. ^^ Thanx u guys in advance =P


Possible Prompt:

What is your childhood dream? (I kindda just made one up=D )

Once again, I closed my eyes and felt my feet lifting up from the ground. Once again, I was flying. I could feel the tiny cotton-like and moist pillows touching my skin as I went higher and higher. Then a sudden warmth poured into the atmosphere, and before even opening my eyes, I knew what I was going to see and adore - my beloved cloud house, filled with fluffy waves of clouds and scintillating sunlight. This vision has long engraved in a four-year-old kid's mind until her seventeenth year, and has never ceased pumping fantasies into her world. I've always told myself that no matter how impractical it might be, no dream is impossible. There are only dreams waiting to come true.

My whole life has been associated with the sky, the clouds and their colors ever since this world welcomed me to its course: my favorite color is blue, my room's wallpaper is the sky with white clouds, countless of my stuffs are blue...I feel at ease lying in my room or staring into the clear blue of the sky or when I'm at the beach letting the zephyrs play with my messy hair while watching the deep blue water. And in that like-any-other-day, the miracle hit me: a marvelous castle-like cloud was lazily drifting into my sight, became a wonder to this little girl who was obsessed with the sky. I asked my mom earnestly, pointing to the castle: "Mommy, can you get me that cloud house?" She softly tapped my head and said: "Of course darling, one day you'll be brought to the sky with many clouds there." At that moment, the dream seemed so close I could reach it right in front of my nose. But I never did, and I grew up with time, with studying and friends and conflicts. The cloud house flashed by occasionally, I wondered whether it could ever come true. A dream appears to be so far away and unrealistic for now I know more about sciences and spaces; I acknowledge a child's dreams are in the world where everything exists, even the over-idealistic phenomena. Is there a door for such fairy tales' wonders to enter this materialistic world?

But through life, one could learn the precious lesson: no dream is too big and nothing is impossible. Well, my cloud house would go against physics laws, because I know if I jumped in a cloud I would fall right through it, and certainly would not stay alive. But the old man in "Up" (a Walt Disney cartoon) did it, at least what was close to the one in my dream. He brought his house to the sky, using countless balloons to fly his house to a wonderland, where no one was certain of its existence. At that moment I thought: "Walt Disney thinks like me". Great minds are alike, I guess. My dream is reflected through a cartoon, or at the least, it has come close to what I've always longed for as a kid, what has been fading away as I grow up. It has entered this materialistic world, as an economical product and raised enormous profit for Walt Disney Company. A fantasy has become a solid creation, and now as a twenty-first-century girl, I have faith to bring fairytales out of ink and pages, mine and everyone else's. To do that, I need more than daydreaming moments. It requires knowledge, a strong determination, and again, great creativity. Now I am writing an essay that might bring me to a whole new level of education, closer to my dream.

Ursula K. LeGuin stated "The creative adult is the child who has survived." I have come out of childhood alive, with my dreams and inspirations. I am ready to enter the mature world where fantasies arouse innovations. If the Mother Nature grants us the ability to dream and work, let's not disappoint her.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 12, 2009   #2
This is so great! I wonder how it would be if you used the present tense:
Once again, I close my eyes...

I could feel the tiny, moist, cotton-like pillows touching my skin as I went higher and higher.

This cloud-house vision has long been engraved in a four-year-old 's mind , until her seventeenth year, and it has never ceased pumping fantasies into her world.

Oh, no wonder you write so beautifully... you read LeGuin!!

You will do well, and I look forward to reading your future novels and other creative works, Dung Tran.
OP hanhdung 5 / 26  
Nov 12, 2009   #3
I hope you don't think I'm applying in Creative writing as my major, because I'm not. Im doing Business, but after reading all of my essays, my friends told me: You should apply for art department. ^^" That's why they say this one is too...up on the sky.

I like this one the best too. But would it be weird for a business program applicant writing this?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 13, 2009   #4
Depends if the reader is deep enough to appreciate you. Maybe the reader is judgmental. I think you can never be sure you will appeal to the people to whom you're trying to appeal, so instead just be yourself and trust in the Great Eternal Whatnot.

Maybe you don't want to go to a school that can't appreciate an inspired piece of writing; use this to weed out the bad schools...

OP hanhdung 5 / 26  
Nov 15, 2009   #5
well, haha, I only hope I will appeal all of them, doubt if I have any bad schools, muahahahaa, anyway.

Besides all the grammar, and Kevin's view, I hope to receive more feedback from others, different viewing perspective. =]

Thanx a lot Kevin, you made my week ;P

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