"cluttered exterior" - Stanford Short Response- To a roomate

Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

My boss at work has a framed quote by Albert Einstein on her desk. It reads, "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?" Please bear that in mind, because I feel that I need to inform you that I have a cluttered desk. It looks like Staples threw up on it. But I also feel that my cluttered desk, along with its contents, is an extension of myself.

Most people would agree that one pencil and one pen would suffice. But my desktop is covered with writing utensils, simply because I always feel the need to be over-prepared.

I also leave my alarm clock on my desk. I can't have it next to my bed, because then I'll just hit the snooze button rather than waking up. I have the clock set ten minutes ahead, because I can't stand being late.

My desk frequently houses empty water bottles. I can never bring myself to throw them away, since I know I should be recycling them.

Post-it notes cover my desk. I'm an avid list-maker. I write myself countless post-it note lists, on everything from homework assignments to songs I need to download to my iPod.

I keep my nail-polish collection in my. I'm a multi-tasker by nature, and I usually do my nails at my desk so I can let them dry while I type or read.

So roomie, when you meet my desk, please keep in mind that despite its cluttered exterior, it would love to be your friend.

I just wrote this really quick. I wanted to see if it was appropriate for the question, or too gimmicky? If it has potential, I'll continue working on it.

Thanks!

I'm also applying to Stanford and am working on this short response right now! Anyways, I like it. I would suggest that you go into more depth relating your clutter to your personality and intellectual abilities. Also, at the end, I would not directly address the reader as "roomie" because this essay is not solely intended for the roommate, but also the Stanford admissions board.

Thanks for the advice!

This part right here is to long:
Please bear that in mind, because I feel that I need to inform you that I have a cluttered desk. ----those two phrases I crossed out seem wrong in a few ways. Addressing the reader directly "please bear in mind" creates a certain kind of presumptuous atmosphere in the essay... and "I feel the need to inform you" is like, "cliche" or something...


Some readers frown on the use of water bottles for environmental reasons like the concern you mention. I guess I think there is a better way to say this... like... instead of "my desk frequently houses empty bottles," you can write, "I have had the same two water bottles on my desk for a long time, because I never get around to recycling them, but I do not want to resort to just throwing them away."

And with the nail polishing part... I think... I think with this whole essay you had not established a purpose before writing. Or maybe your purpose was just to express yourself, but I think your purpose should be to show them a glimpse of a person who has excellent clarity and self-discipline, someone who deserves admission and will really do excellent, meaningful things.

:-)