You have drop tears of despair for your children when one comes late from a friend's one
have
droppedYou worked hard with your family in order to keep peace in your house and not make your mother angry who was suffering from leukemia
Don't misunderstand me but this line seems a bit off, not grammatically but it leaves me wondering why your Grandmom was angry even though your mother handled all her responsibilities perfectly. Did your Grandmom's condition make her cantankerous? Either elaborate or just rephrase the sentence. :)
You are without doubts a leader
without
doubtTaking responsibility is defiantly a leader's characteristic.
Rephrase this if possible - Handling responsibilities well is the mark of a leader. (just a suggestion!)
And you used defiantly wrong, I think you meant definitely. :)
Instead of going to school, although you wanted to, you couldn't simply because that was not part of your culture, simply because your dad told you that theythere were better things to do than going to school to waste your time reading books instead of doing something productive as he said which was to work.
You should change this sentence, it's too long and wordy, so your meaning gets lost. Try to break it down into smaller sentences.
you are too weak
- do you mean physically or mentally? Either case, you should be a phrase this in a better way so it doesn't come across as a bit in the face.
and a conformist at time
at
times or sometimes... :)
Although you want to speak up when your boos screams at you
*boss right? ;)
Your ending seems to be on the right track, it conveys a very potentially powerful message. Perhaps you could change it a bit to bring out the emotion more?
Your essay is good. Some grammar errors which I hope I could point out. I just wish you could edit this draft because as of now your thinking seems linear and simple. Try to use variation n your sentences. Your essay could really shine if you work around these areas a bit. Otherwise, good job :) All the best! I hope I could help.
Help me with mine please!!!