'My coach and team mates' - University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Essay: In no more than 300 words, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.

"PASS PASS I'M FREE HERE"!! The ball came racing to me but so did the sliding tackle. The sliding tackle was a harsh one and it was almost unavoidable. The cleats of the boot made a pretty deep gash in my ankle region, and my sock became a reddish color from the blood coming out.

I saw my coach signalling for a substitution but I wasn't ready for it because it was the final of the inter-school soccer championship. I looked at the scoreboard (we were 2-0 down) and I knew that the team needed me to win this game; after all I was the captain. I made a gesture to the coach that I was okay (obviously I wasn't!) and that I would continue playing. In this tense situation, I somehow managed to remain calm and composed and delivered the instructions from the coach to the players. We did a group huddle and cheered ourselves up. Our opponent was the best in the region and we knew we had a massive task in front of us.

Soon after, we managed to score a goal thanks to a blunder by their goalkeeper. There was only 20 minutes left in the game and I knew a draw would only mean defeat because we were the worst in penalties! It seemed like time kept running because there was only 5 minutes left. A swift counter-attack and I was free with only the goalkeeper to beat. I became very nervous as I wasn't very good at finishing. A state of ambivalence surrounded me. Knowing how much this means to our team, I maintained my composure and calmly passed the ball to the striker who made an easy finish in the end. YES we were level with only 4 minutes to go!!

I warned my teammates of complacency and told them to remain focused and composed for the remaining time. Our opponents were desperate for the win and they came out at us with full force. We defended brilliantly and we got our reward when our right winger, Jony, made a sensational run down the right flank and provided an early cross to the center. I slid for the ball and made the slightest of touch with the cleats of my boot which was enough to send the ball crawling home.(how did I come forward?) YES we did it!! I couldn't believe it. I even pinched myself to see if all this was real. I didn't even feel the pain in my ankle because I was so involved in the game.

We were definitely the underdogs but this game actually made me realize that nothing is impossible. If we have a little determination and believe in ourselves, we can achieve anything. Some people think that someone needs to do the impossible task for them to think they can do it, but it is that "someone" that we need to be.

I showed it to some of my friends and they said it was too simple. Need suggestions on how to make it better or unique.

Yes it is simple, but that might be the best part about your essay. :-)
A few suggestions:
If you could elaborate on how you composed yourself to get back into the game, it would be more effective.
The essay does a great job in portraying the team effort butva little more insight about you would also be great.more

Hope it helps!

It looks very dynamic and exciting, but the topic states "tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.", so i think you need a bit more of introspection sort of thing or tell more about yourself instead of describing the situation.

You do a nice job talking about your team's effort, I would add a little more insight about your personality and how you composed yourself.

Thanks everyone. I'll post a changed version of this soon. It helped a lot.