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'From coding programs in BASIC to playing football': persistence and hard work is the key to success

greenlantern 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2015   #1
A circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve

Bloomed rose reflecting the high contrast of the flawless colors can certainly entice eyes of a man strolling pass an oasis. Screening such beauty discloses the back stage of struggle to withstand the poaching by the sharp thorns. Every single product of nature has to struggle for its existence and as the most developed creature we humans have to struggle even harder to exist in the society as well as to get a life.

I belong to a middle class family where my father goes for his job in the morning before I wake up and comes home at around midnight, mother is abroad and a small brother who goes to primary school. Watching us from the screen we look like a perfect family just like the beautiful rose. With the perfects comes a huge struggle. While my father is out for his job I have to take care of my home I have to cook breakfast for my brother send him to the school and later I have to prepare for my exams. It is a great struggle for me. However, I am able to manage my time in working out with my academics. During high school I used to manage a proper routine for my studies. I used to make notes and cooperated with my teachers. It was the day when the results and the merit scholarship of my High School were announced. Though it was evident that I would not be in the toppers list of the school but luckily I was in the top 7 students of my section.

It was 25th April 2015 a black day in the history of Nepal. A monstrous earthquake shook whole part of the country flattening villages killing peoples and trapping peoples inside collapsed houses. Between that chaos I was there too pulling out families stuck inside the rubble of bricks. Some were even dead and some were stuck between the dead bodies. The earth was still shaking and people were scared to go even near the walls. Everyone were staying in the fields. My final exam was just 18 days after earthquake and my stationery and books were all inside the blighted house. Now I had to prepare for my exam without my stationery. Only 4 days remaining for my exam I got chance to take a look at my friend books and notes. Despite all the countless hours of study, I could not get a good mark in grade 12 due to earthquake.

Like the blithesome nature of the rose, one must show the happiness with what you have despite what you face. In fact, I managed to work with the community club near my home and got participated in football tournaments of the club. I also won the tournaments of the high school and became the captain of high school football team. It gives me a real joy when the people smile at me when I'm on my way to college or when I'm walking down the streets.

From coding programs in BASIC to playing balls, I realized that persistence and hard work with a bit of imagination is the key to success. Though it is hard to excel it, one should believe in himself and go with the flow. Like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths." I believe after I face the struggles and obstacles I can one day shine and reflect myself to the world and bloom like the beautiful rose.
irhame 52 / 50 25  
Nov 21, 2015   #2
Bloomed rose reflecting the high contrast of the flawless colors can certainly ...

bloomed rose can certainly entice eyes of a man strolling pas an oasis. screening such beauty discloses back stage to withstand by sharp thorns. every natural product should force for its existence. what is more, the most developed creatures have to struggle even harder to get a life.

... I realized that persistence and hard work with a bit of imagination isare the key of success.

I totally believe after I face ...
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 21, 2015   #3
Hi Hardik, as I read though your essay, I didn't see any relevance of what you wrote to that of the purpose of the essay, you made it so creative that you completely missed the purpose of your essay. Believe me, there's nothing wrong with being creative, I would like to write creatively all the time but if that's not the purpose of the essay is, then we are wasting our time.

Now, I'm not saying that you should write a totally new essay but I'd rather that you do.
Focus on the purpose of the essay and work from there, manage the flow of your essay and never loose focus, the informations you have about your family background, academic and hard work will still play a big role in your essay but keep it to a minimum and pull your essay together with a stronger final paragraph .

When you have your re- written essay, post it here on EF so we can assist you further.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 22, 2015   #4
Hardik, your essay actually presents a very good premise for the obstacle that you faced and no, I am not talking about failing your grade 12 exam. I am talking about the earthquake that shook Nepal. You should revise the essay to center around the earthquake instead. While your quest to pass your grade 12 exam is noble in action, it does not really have the kind of backstory that would compel the reviewer to think of you as a person who can overcome obstacles. Most specially because you failed the test.

However, if you opt to concentrate on the effects of the earthquake on your family, specifically about its effect upon you in a psychological manner, you will be able to better present the obstacle that this event imposed upon you and your family. In the process of the discussion, you can explain how the earthquake helped to bring your family closer, solve a familial discord, or just strengthen your family bonds. The obstacle that you had to overcome does not have to concentrate solely upon you as a person. Devastating events such as natural calamities can also be used to better present a real life obstacle that gave you a learning lesson either in maturity, responsibility, or simply, becoming a caring community member.

Failing your grade 12 exam is not exactly the kind of obstacle that shows you as a person who knows how to successfully get over a hump, be it caused by a natural calamity or not. The fact of the matter is that you failed your test and hence, failed to overcome the obstacle. So the grade 13 exam is definitely not the topic that you want to discuss in this essay. Try to pick an event that posed an obstacle in your life or quest for success which you successfully overcome. Even if it is not related to the disaster caused by the earthquake.

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