Below is the prompt. Could you guys please help me with some general comments as well as grammar checks if possible?
To be honest, I'm quite worried about what this prompt asks for. By "reference", do they mean that I have to include the quote in my essay?
Thanks really much.
In addition to your Common Application Personal Statement, please select one of the following quotations and, with reference to that quotation, comment on a personal experience, an issue of concern to you, or your thoughts about the future. We recommend that the length of your essay be between 300 and 500 words, but you should feel free to approach the essay as you wish.
4. "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" -Martin Luther King Jr.
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I'm confident that I can do some big things in the future: personally explore the Mariana Trench, discover a cure to cancer, secure world peace and put an end to global warming.
Preparation for those stuffs had not been exactly perfect yet, but at least I had racked up some valuable experiences. In the past, I had once pulled off a feat of no less difficulty: I have mastered the art of getting up on time, and thus had not even once been late to school. Check the records. It's real.
While it is true that "getting up on time" - unlike the stuffs I previously mentioned - has never made it to any edition of Guinness World Records, I believe that this achievement should remain a matter of pride, considering the not-so-insignificant obstacles I encountered back then in that one year.
First, I was to get up at 5.
Second, Hanoi has winters. It also enjoys cold winter monsoons. These things showed up quite frequently around the end of the year, and when they did, there would be a difference of no less than 100C between the temperatures inside and outside my blanket. Ever heard that cold kills?
As if that wasn't enough of a challenge, I had to as well be watchful of an evil entity called my twin brother, whom I shared my bedroom with. Having no morning class, he rarely minded leaving his music, his computer and all the lights on until very late. He minded having his sweet dreams interrupted, however, and so every time I had to tiptoe my way out of the room in complete silence, lest some nasty revenge would suddenly fall upon me later on (ice pack in the blanket was just one of his many surprises.) Oh, and complete darkness too - my house is so small a bathroom lamp could light it up entirely.
To make matters worse, I suffered from incurable, chronic laziness, which often led to homework undone the night before (thus made going to class and face the fury of teachers even less appealing choices). Fortunate enough, however, I also had some reasons to convince my body of get moving. To begin with, it was fun to arrive early and watch my classmates turning up one by one, each bringing his/her own hot sandwich to share and silly gossips to tell. In addition, I happened to be the elected monitor of my 50-member tutor group.
I know these are lame reasons: Fun time before class rarely lasted more than half an hour, while my responsibility in practice had more to do with marking attendance and emptying the classroom's trashcan twice a day than any kind of leadership. Still, they were quite useful in keeping me motivated, at least until I had got out of the bed when there would no longer be any turning back.
That was the story of three years past. Since then, much has changed. As my grade 10 faded into the background, getting up early in the cold mornings ceases to be a part of my daily chore. I also venture far and beyond, and get to know a world much bigger than my bed, my house, my bus stop and my school combined.
That world looks huge (not to mention scary) especially for a random human being planning for superhuman feats like me. Right now, the mere thought about surviving through the winters in places like Maine alone is making my hair stand on end.
Still, as said, I'm confident.
I have learned how to get up properly. A great day always begins with that.
I did not read your propmt at first. So, I read your essay like I d read a random story. And I really liked it!
But after I read your prompt, I am not sure if your essay is what they are looking for as a response to their "serious" sounding prompt.
Is your "waking up issue" really a "challenge and controversy" they expect to read about?
I ve read three Colby accepted students' essays on this topic: 1 was about AIDS, another about third gender issue, and the last one was about fighting the stereotype.
I still love your essay the way it is.
It will for sure serve as an interesting commonapp essay though!
It means you should explain the quote with your experience as an example, or explain your experience using the quote as a way of articulating certain truth about it.discover a cure to cancer
If you make this claim, you had better spend a sentence or two somewhere in the essay demonstrating that you already have some understanding about what cancer is and what we have been doing to try to treat it. If you know a little about it, you can demonstrate that in a sentence; if you can't then making this claim makes the essay a little weaker.
I like your essay, and I like your way of thinking, but the essay should indeed include that quote in the first paragraph. The essay will have to be completely changed in order to be about this quote. Can you choose a different quote?
