We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family background, and culture. Please tell us about yourself and what you believe is the best way to share your perspective. Also, what do you hope to learn from the experiences of others?
I realize that this isn't one of my best essays but please help me out. I don't think I'll have time to change the topic and whatnot, but grammar, spelling, and mechanics advice is highly appreciated. i am about 10 words over the limit, but i dont think its a big deal
As part of a family that emigrated from Turkey, it has always been a challenge for me to find a balance between my family's traditional Turkish values and my developing American values.
Over the years, I have become 'Americanized' in my interests. For instance, I was not too excited when my hometown's soccer team KayseriSpor crushed Galatasaray in the semi-finals, but I was heartbroken when the Pittsburgh Steelers lost against the Cleveland Browns. Likewise, I would rather play a game of backyard football than play soccer, even though my 'Turkish genes' might predispose me to enjoy soccer more. To the disappointment of my parents, I have even begun to prefer pizza to my mom's traditional Turkish dishes.
However, I still hold my family's heritage and values close to heart and have found ways to maintain my Turkish identity while adapting to the American way of life. Since I was 11, I have participated in the Pittsburgh Turkish Cultural Center's activities where I read, analyzed, and listened to Turkish poetry and classical music. WisdomNet, a group that invites Turkish scholars and writers for an annual conference, has also fostered my cultural awareness. By attending WisdomNet's conferences, I have learned much about Turkey's history and my family's culture.
Growing up in a multicultural environment has helped me feel comfortable in expressing my viewpoints while respecting the values and practices of other cultures. For this reason, other people's family traditions and customs interest me, and I am looking forward to meeting people who have cultural perspectives different from mine. Colgate University's small and close-knit community will allow me to do just that.
I think your essay is quite good, so don't worry.
Though it is short, it is clearly structured.
While reading the essay, I saw a person who is greatly americanized but I did not see a close link between you and your family's value. Maybe you can elaborate on WisdomNet for one or two sentences and abridge the first paragragh.
It is a very nice essay sbout your diversity. but I don't think you have answered the "what you believe is the best way to share your perspective. Also, what do you hope to learn from the experiences of others?" in the prompt. Maybe you could have pointed out a little. Anyway, nicely put!