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Colgate -VENE VIDI VICCI- DESTINATION TURKEY


janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 4, 2012   #1
At Colgate we value global awareness and the diverse perspectives of our students. Through travel, students are able to experience different cultures and take advantage of new opportunities that can make our community richer when they return to campus. If you had the opportunity to travel anywhere in the world during your time at Colgate, where would you go, and why? (250 words maximum)

'Vene, vidi, vici'- 'I came, I saw, I conqured"- Julius Caesar
Civilization-Turkey, Divinity-Turkey, World War-Turkey...and the list continues. As a curious individual, the recurrence of turkey in my education and reads eventually sparked interest.
I came
For years, I literary travelled to Turk. Each swaying destination spurred another travel. Gobekli Tepe; a presumed Garden of Eden, Agri dagi;where Noah's ark landed to Istanbul, a capital where power transformations of legendary Roman empire are painted like a canvas on its architecture and history.

I saw
The reward of discovering Turkey is that its diversity is widespread that I and the world live it. I celebrate Christmas welcoming my celebrated hero, Santa Claus; a Myra birthed and lived citizen to my home. Our thriving beverage in Tanzania and the world was Turkey's original; coffee. As a Christian, I derive my identity from Antioch in Turkey, where we were first called Christian. Even writing was first done in Anatolia-Turkey on clay tablets. I write as Anatolians first did.

I will conquer
The varied and vivid Turkey is ambiguous to me. I'm caught in between extinct worlds and civilizations; such as Byzantine then Ottoman and present modernity. I yearn to experience the rich diversity of history and culture of people who passed, built civilizations or settled in it. Knowing Turkey mirrors the fact that it is a meeting point of Europe, Asia and Africa, with each Turkish origin I live, my passion to travel to Turkey grows. I am confident it is here I will merge the mélange that escapes me standing in Turkey's true form.
StevenWong206 5 / 13 2  
Jan 4, 2012   #2
Love your last paragraph, and I love the concept of this piece. However, I would fix the paragraph of 'I came', as it seemed kinda 'boring' to me. Make it more captivating. I would re-write that paragraph. But everything else was really good.

Good Luck you!
OP janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 4, 2012   #3
ok..thank you...
Cleopatra 8 / 22  
Jan 4, 2012   #4
Thankyou so much for helping out with my essay! you truly made the biggest difference! so appreciated!

My feedback for you is adding a full stop to the "I came" and "I saw" and "I will conquer" phrases. Also, it is 'literally' not 'literary'. I love your last paragraph because I understood when you put into clear words that you have a passion for Turkey and all it has to offer. I was beginning to get lost in your previous paragraphs as to what you went to, saw, and conquered because you were beginning to talk too much about Turkey and too little about yourself. Consider re-writing your previous paragraphs into clearer sentences.

But altogether it's a very fascinating essay and I love the concept, it's very different.
Show me your revision, and I'll be glad to help again!
OP janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 4, 2012   #5
more feedback!!will do yours too
soufianelaouad 3 / 29  
Jan 4, 2012   #6
I really respect you expanded cultural views,
i think u will like my last essay check it out
egpctim 5 / 10  
Jan 4, 2012   #7
I found this essay kind of confusing. Did you actually go to Turkey???

Because writing "I literally traveled to Turk" means that you did I think...
OP janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 4, 2012   #8
literally-means i did
literary-means through a book,like fictional travel
OP janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 5, 2012   #9
got forty minutes...someone..anyone
ericao2010 12 / 32  
Jan 5, 2012   #10
This is really good! I think I would expand the 'I saw' paragraph a little more as it does get confusing in the end.


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