Please help me read/revise this essay! It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Prompt:How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
Three. That was the age I started reading and learning my multiplication facts. Eight. Everyone always would refer to me as the Doctor. Twelve. I joined National Junior Honor Society and started my Community Service. Fourteen. I considered taking up a career in medicine. Seventeen. Specifically, I became interested in oncology. Eighteen. Blank.
The University of Chicago is the ultimate destination at which I can fulfill my wishes of continuing my education and community service and taking the steps to my career goals by pursuing my interests. The University has a reputation of tending to its undergraduates by creating the Core, which is a program that would keep me organized and in line, not only with academics, but with my future goals and interests. Also, its language requirement for undergraduates will quench my thirst of language learning. Its standing is also derived from its prestigious faculty, which I hope will inspire me to be introduced into a whole new world of learning and thinking. In terms of community, the U of C expands from Chicago to the US to every corner of the globe. Its 250+ clubs and organizations, such as El Club de Espanol, the Pre-Med Students Association, and the Alpha Phi Omega, allow me to connect socially with others with the same interests, to better assimilate into the U of C society, and to continue on with community service. Participating in sports, such as basketball, cross country, and swimming, will help me develop a sense of teamwork, sportsmanship, and character. The campus also demonstrates its unity and diversity through events such as the cultural shows and PanAsia, which could elicit in me an appreciation and an embracement of other cultures. The University of Chicago displays a vibrant school spirit that encourages extreme loyalty and allegiance that I would want to provide to the institute. Overall, the university conveys an important message: college is not another dull place, but yet a place where a new life begins; a new life that I would want to be a part of. Eighteen? The University of Chicago.
Good job. You really demonstrate the desire you have to go to U of C. The details also make it interesting, such as the sports and clubs etc,. Nice!
I think it's great but maybe you could describe more personal things.I feel it a little generic. I mean, the education and clubs are also offered by other schools,why have to be this one?Give us more specific information to show us U of C is "the one".
Just my suggestion,hope it could help.
WOuld you please help me with my essays?THX!
ChihiroLavi, I want to add that the U of C is the one because out of all colleges that I have researched, it seemed to call out the most to my fervent interest for language learning, my intent to venture into the medical field, and my ability and longing to connect with the people that surround me. So where would I be able to put this in my essay?
I think the idea is great! It makes you special to U of C. I guess, maybe delete something like the faculty thing because everybody knew how their faculty are brilliant and those AOs must be tired of listening this.Then you could add your new idea in. Anyway,it depends on you, choose the part your passion really is.
BTW,I really like how your essay started and ended.IT'S MORE THAN BRILLIANT!