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Undergraduate Posts: 3

College App Essay - 200 American movies


snazbt 1 / -  
Nov 27, 2018   #1
I was wondering if it has a good flow and if it's worth continuing.

We're going to America!



The summer of my sophomore year, I watched over 200 American movies. Intrigued and motivated by the sense of freedom they gave me, every morning I would jump out of bed, into my chair to immerse myself into the story and culture displayed on my laptop screen.

On the desk next to mine sat my mother. Passionate about providing a better life for her family, she was filling out interview applications and gathering any and every legal document any of us ever had. Although I was witnessing this process, it shocked me when she exclaimed, "We're going to America!"

From then on, it was chaos. Everyone was trying to finish their unfinished business before moving to the other side of the world. In the midst of it, I was left responsible for daily chores, and had to put a pause to watching movies. But as I had more time to think and reflect, I had a gradual epiphany: I was going to the movies, literally.

After the exhausting 15 hour flight around the world, seeing everything with my own eyes was fascinating. The architecture, the people, their dogs, and even the sky. They were both familiar and strange.

mmahtab10 2 / 4 1  
Nov 28, 2018   #2
I am not sure about the flow, because as a reader it took me a while to understand some of the messages you are trying to convey. I would suggest you make it a little more coherent and introduce something unique.
luna789 - / 2 1  
Nov 29, 2018   #3
the bolded "We're going to America" at the top, is that part of the essay or is it a title for the thread? If it is part of your essay, then you don't need to include the part where your mom says it again. It sounds redundant.

I am also not sure about the flow. Very early in your essay, I think you need to mention what it's going to about because as a reader I'm not sure what direction the essay is heading.

But overall, your essay has potential. I like the idea of how you were "going to the movies"


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