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The college application for apply to different colleges - the biggest being Rice University.


mase1337 1 / 1 1  
Nov 1, 2015   #1
Background, identity, talent or interest so meaningful your college app would be incomplete w/o it

The essay prompt is from Common App, and I'm using this to apply to colleges: the biggest being Rice University.

I had the fortuity of discovering one of my greatest passions at an early age.
In fact, it was thirteen years ago in a little two-bedroom apartment that my love for playing piano was sparked. The vague memories I have of being a four year old boy are not much more than an admixture of images of bunk beds, children's TV shows, and the mysterious water tower in the distance visible from our apartment balcony. Along with these distinguishable moments are those of fascination and wonder provoked by the digital piano we owned. The 'Yamaha PSR-160' keyboard (a name I cannot forget) gave me an unmatched sense of curiosity as a young child. It had buttons you could press--something children love to do--to change the instrument played by the keys to something other than a piano. There were preset songs programmed into it that my siblings and I would play over and over again while dancing and laughing to the music. It was the ultimate toy.

Years later, after moving twice and starting grade school, the keyboard became distant. I grew older and interests changed. The old Yamaha was probably lost in the attic or in storage somewhere, hidden away like all my other childhood toys. It was not until I was eleven years old that I rediscovered the joy created by a piano.

As cliche as it sounds, this rediscovery seemed like a miracle. A seemingly normal trip to my aunt's new house became unforgettable when I found a Yamaha keyboard in her guest room: same buttons, same colors, same everything. As my family sat in the living room talking about this and that, I was in the next room over, glued to the seat in front of the keyboard. Although I could hear their voices through the wall, my ears were only listening to the sounds projecting from the Yamaha's speakers. As I looked down at the long-lost piece of my past and listened to its audible charm, I felt conflicting feelings of nostalgia, excitement, and regret. I miss that old apartment, but I can't wait to play this thing... Why did I let the old keyboard leave my life for so long? I saw this as an opportunity; it did not come back into my life by coincidence, and I was going to make the most of it.

With permission from my aunt, I brought the keyboard home with me. I set it up in my room, and told myself I am going to learn this. Instead of just listening to the preset songs like I did as a child, I would learn to play the keys and create my own music. Being a stubborn and determined eleven-year-old boy, I decided not to take piano lessons. I wanted to teach myself how to play in my own way.

I struggled at first and it may have been slower progress than it would have been with lessons, but that made me learn the art more thoroughly. I began playing songs by ear, and in the process developed an understanding of basic music theory. It turns out that I had a knack for playing piano, and soon I was inventing songs of my own. With my skills developing, I upgraded to a full-sized piano. Now, I can play dozens of songs from memorization, and perform mini-concerts for my friends and family.

My love for piano playing is dear to me because it shows how a little bit of initial interest in something can lead to a rewarding passion for it. I still have the old Yamaha to show how far I have come, and it reminds me that dedication and positive effort generates vital success.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 1, 2015   #2
Hi Mason, this essay is really more than just about your talent. It talks about your background and how some things that you thought had been forgotten could come back and help you become a better person in life. It is , from my point of view, a heartwarming story that introduces you in a touching manner to the reviewer. This is a well developed and written essay that just needs a little grammar adjustment to polish it off :-)

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I had the fortuity of discovering one of my greatest passions at an early age.

In fact, it IT was thirteen years ago in a little two-bedroom apartment

four year old boy are not much more than an admixture ODD MIXTURE of images of bunk beds,

Along with these distinguishable moments are those of fascination and wonder provoked BROUGHT ON by the digital piano we owned.

Years later, after moving twice and starting grade school, the keyboard became A distant MEMORY.

As my family sat in the living room talking about this and that, I was in the next room over , glued to the seat in front of the keyboard.

Although I could hear their voices through the wall, my ears were only listening to the sounds projecting EMANATING from the Yamaha's

I missED that old apartment, but I can't COULD NOT wait to play this thing...

It turns out that I had a knack for playing THE piano, and soon I was inventing COMPOSING songs of my own.
OP mase1337 1 / 1 1  
Nov 8, 2015   #3
@vangiespen Thank you very much for your feedback and effort in revising my essay!!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 12, 2015   #4
HI Mason, I hope my additional remarks on your essay is not too late.

Final paragraph
- same buttons, same colors, same everything is the same .
- I was in the next room over , glued over to the seat in front of the keyboard.
- but I can't wait to play this thing...the piano. ( be definite with your idea and don't use the continuous period to compensate the idea )

- and I was going to make the most out of it.

- I struggled at first and it may have been a slower progress
- but that made me learn the artmusicmore thoroughly.
- With my developing skills developing ,
- INow, I can play dozens of songs from memorization,my memory and perform

- My love for piano playingis dear to me because it shows how a little bit of initial interest
- in something can lead to a rewarding passion. for it.
- dedication and positiveextensive effort generates vital success.

That's about it Mason, I hope the corrections helped in creating a stronger ending for your essay


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