College Entrance Exam practice — I have a dream

I have a dream

"I have a dream", said by Martin Luther King, talking about racial discrimination and how to fight for human right. I have a similar conception with that in my mind.

Owning to unfortunate incidents happened these years, for instance,the outbreak of COVID-19, lots of people die from unpredictable accidents and so on. I realized that there is nothing important than a living life. Having seen a film talking about a Syrian refugee, who spent all her properties just for getting a ship ticket to a safer country. In the end, the boat sank and there was only one person survived, and that was her. Feeling shocked, I started to think about this question: Why can't people live in a peaceful world and a serene life? In the Middle East Asia, wars, fights, terrorist attacks happen every day.

People are in exile and seeing their families disappear. But why this happened.
John Lennon once said, "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end." To them, the day would never com. Human beings chase wealth, fames and profits, but sacrifice safety and security. This is what I want to change. Avicii's Dad once told him: "One day you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." Not preferring putting ourselves into sorrow, because we're the angle assigned by God. Put down the enmity and get rid of hostility, embrace everything beside you no matter it's terrible or not. Then, we can make a better world.

Not really engaging. The reasons you put out do not persuade readers why you think life is important. I think you should try to SHOW them more (maybe dwell on the emotions that you experienced about the importance of one'life)

You should try to avoid using 2 quotations in a single personal essay. Kicking it off with the quote by Martin Luther King was alright, but adding John Lennon later on, was simply overkill. The dream of Martin Luther King spoke of an end to racial discrimination. However, your essay is not focused on that. So maybe you should have used a quote from "Imagine" by John Lennon instead since that speaks more of world peace as you present in this essay. The presentation itself relies too much on the words of other people to discuss your opinion. That makes the essay weak because you appear to not have any written discussion skills. You are not capable of putting your own thoughts into words unless you use the words of other people first. These essays normally score better when you do not rely on others to speak for you.