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College expectations, before attending it


clarinesukamto 1 / 1  
Jul 27, 2015   #1
hey! so i have this Summer assignment from my college which i haven't attend at all (because I'm just about to attend the freshmen year next month). actually it's not a tough essay but for me it's kinda tough due to personal experience and point of view. please kindly give me some feedbacks. thanks!

question: What expectations do you have about Trinity Christian College? How do you hope to be challenge in those expectations?

Going to college should be something I love. This means a total freedom. Free from parents guidance 24/7, living on my own, got to decide what to do and not to do, also have a full control of myself. Honestly, I was truly excited back then. Until I realize how hard are the TOEFL and SAT tests and I started to doubt myself. Can I actually survive there? Or am I going to fail and go home with nothing? All the worries started to crept to my mind and scare me to death. The first thing that came to my mind when it comes to expectations is, survive. Having fun is number two.

Before I graduate from high school, I wasn't really sure about what to expect in college. It's because that I didn't really experience a lot of things in it. I was thinking that probably college would be the same as the former high school life, average with no special things happened. Before, I was in the same school from I was a baby until I graduate, so I never had some extreme things happening. I never try to socialize to new culture, adapt to new people, etc. I was staying in my comfort zone. And now, the fact that I'm going abroad is a huge challenge for me. I'm going to feel new culture, new weather, new people, and new experience. It doesn't mean that this is going to be easy. Adapting to new country and to new way of studying at the same time is a big deal.

And it made me start to think about my broader college expectations, on what I hope to experience, more than surviving. I wish to experience diverse things in college, in all aspects. The things that I have never experience before, and will never again after. Experiencing different things in college doesn't mean that I will forget about studying and focusing on activities. Surviving is still the number one hope. I just want to have great memories about college. Some of my friends take the acceleration class to graduate faster, but I don't. College is going to be great times, I expect. I want to have a taste on all the interesting dorm activities, tons of dramas, and some parties. But I really hope for good grades and doing well in projects. I want to feel the good and the bad. I want the sweet and sour. Every single bit of it. I want to make the most of my college. Living my college to the fullest.

But, something happened to me after I read the chapter 'Wide-Eyed' in the book 'Learning for the Love of God'. I was thinking living my college life to the fullest would be the best thing I will get, but actually it is not. It was all nothing. Jesus should matter above every other thing, that's what Opitz and Melleby said in their book. And somehow suddenly my expectations take a turn from its origin purpose. It slides a little bit, into something like this. I want to experience all things mentioned before, in order to shape myself into a better person each day. To figure out what He wants from me. To be transformed, into what God has called me to be. I hope to be challenged to manage and control myself, to do what is right, to not compromising sins. And I hope all of it will lead me into the real purpose, to be transformed.

that's all, please kindly give me some critiques and suggestions, thanks so much!!
ChristineB - / 108 55  
Jul 27, 2015   #2
Hello. I'll help with word choice and grammar for a few parts of your essay.

_________________________________

Going to college should be something I love.

This is a bit awkward. You have two choices for how to correct it:
I love the idea of going to college.
Going to college should be something one wants to do.

_____________________________

This means a total freedom. Free from parents guidance 24/7, living on my own, got to decide what to do and not to do, also have a full control of myself.

The second "sentence" is not a complete sentence. Let's try combining them to make the whole thing sound better:

This means a total freedom.:Freefreedom from parents' guidance 24/7 , freedom to liveliving on my own, freedom togot to decide what to do and not to do.,In college, you are fully in charge of yourselfalso have a full control of myself .

____________________________

Honestly, I was truly excited back then. Until I realize how hard are the TOEFL and SAT tests and I started to doubt myself.

Let's re-combine these two thoughts to improve the flow:

Honestly, I was truly excited about all of these aspects of college lifeback then. Until- until I realized how hard are the TOEFL and SAT tests would be;thenand I then started to doubt myself.

_______________________________

Can I actually survive there?

CanI thought to myself, could I actually survive there?

"Survive" is very dramatic. What about this?:

I thought to myself, could I really thrive there?

_______________________________

All the worries started to crept to my mind and scare me to death.

All the worries started to creptcreep intoto my mind and scare me to death .

"To death" is too serious and intense in my opinion, so I'm taking it out of your sentence.

____________________________________

The first thing that came to my mind when it comes to expectations is, survive. Having fun is number two.

My first priority The first thing that came to my mind when it comes to expectations is,was to survive. Having fun is number two.was less important.

"Survive" is a very dramatic word and may give the impression that you are not emotionally mature enough for college. How about saying it this way?:

My first priority was to work hard, pass the exams, and succeed in college; I decided that having fun was less important.

______________________________________

I hope that has helped you some :)
OP clarinesukamto 1 / 1  
Jul 27, 2015   #3
@christineb thank you so much! I'm still learning on how to write an essay, so I will try to be better on writing it! Thanks!
hashwindersingh 1 / 2  
Jul 28, 2015   #4
My reccommendation is to not use the term "things" as often. I mean, you can't always find a substitution but maybe be more specific or try to find a replacement! Easier said than done! Great essay in all though!


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