college essay - 'how much of my life has gone by without me even realizing'

this is my draft for college application essay for an undergraduate in psychology. Please read and help.

As I strolled down the corridor of my school today I realize how much of my life has gone by without me even realizing. As I stand across the auditorium I'm assaulted by memories of how my life changed its course within this very school.

When I was 15 my father decided my future for me-"My daughter will be an Architect" he said. At the age of 15 I didn't know what I really wanted to be in life so I went along with his suggestion. But then one day as I was walking to the canteen along this very corridor. A young lad stopped me and enquired what my name was. There was an innocent joy in his eyes as he looked at me grinning like an angel, that automatically bought a smile to my face. "My name is Radhika" I replied. But then he asked me again what my name was and that's when his teacher came over and gently took him away back to his friends and that's when I realized that he was part of the mazil special needs program. I could never fathom why we are all so different, I've always wondered why all of couldn't be the same. Looking into his eyes I realized for the first time what it means to be happy. He had made a world of his own and he was content. That's the day I decided I want to learn more about the functions of the human mind- Why one person thinks so differently form an another.

For the first time in my life I can truly fathom the true meaning of the Butterfly Effect, of the most mundane things can make the largest difference.

I strongly believe that our purpose as tomorrows generation is to bring about an equilibrium in world . To me there is so much more to life than just living for the sake of it. I thrive on the happiness I achieve on helping others.

I value a solid education, which is what I get from your institution. I look forward to a productive four years in your institution.

I'm not sure what the word limit is on this essay, but I feel like you really need to elaborate on the last few sentences. What specific piece of education do you value? And instead of saying: "I value a solid education, which is what I get from your institution." You could say "I value your institutions solid education." to make it short and concise if your on the word limit. I would also elaborate more on the transformation part of your life that then summarizing up in a few sentences, because it seems that the story overwhelms your transformation.

However, it's great to write about a specific story of your life and how it transformed or impacted you. Colleges really appreciate these type of essays. I hope this helps!

thank you for editing my essay :)
i really appreciate it