"College is like a triathlon" - personal statement-triathlons

Personal Statement-triathlon

The horn went off and my heart was beating out of my chest. I dove into the frigid lake water and struggled to keep up with the rest of the group. All of a sudden, the anxiety faded away and a sense of calmness came over me. I focused on counting my strokes to keep a steady pace. All of the months of hard training with my father were finally put to the test.

Competing in triathlons from an early age gave me a sense of purpose in life. As I entered my high school years, the training grew more intense and difficult. It was stressful having to regularly visit the chiropractor for my fractured hip and shin splints. After a six month period, I was able to recover and get back to enjoying long bike rides on Saturday mornings and distance runs around the neighborhood.

Triathlon races allow me to challenge myself and grow stronger both physically and mentally. Persistence is the key to performing well on race day. Whether it involves running five miles before school, cycling for hours to Central Park, or practicing drills in the pool, it all pays off in the end.

College is like a triathlon. Students have to be able to maintain the balance of challenging classes, extracurricular activities, and personal relationships. Being a part of the ___ community will present me with new challenges that will help me grow as an individual. I believe that my experience with triathlons will enable me to succeed at ____ through my dedication and perseverance.

Need some sort of way to connect the first paragraph to the rest of the essay :/
Thank you!

You could describe the challenges in a triathlon in a first person narrative as a metaphor for how you deal with life in a second paragraph.

the training grewbecame more intense and difficult
stressful having to regularly visit - don't split infinitives: "having to visit regularly"
Is there a word limit to this essay because adding a few more sentences about how college is like a triathlon seem necessary.
I'm not sure if you should enter the name of the school because then the whole essay sounds like a "suck-up."
You have a solid topic and so far, a very strong comparison. You should elaborate more.

You did a good job with this theme. I like it... the only thing that is missing is a REASON for your willingness to spend so much energy working toward your goal.

I think this sentence is not helpful in expressing what you want to express: Whether it involves running five miles before school, cycling for hours to Central Park, or practicing drills in the pool, it all pays off in the end. It is better to write a sentence about something that is so important to you that you want to dedicate yourself to it.

:-)