Hello ppl, i need to knowthis essay is well written and would accept any ideas if there is anything i need to change in the layout or the listing of the ideas. and i also need to identify any grammatical mistakes if there are any. Thank you in advance.
Researching Medicine and Genetics
As a child, I have always wished to study a major that many children at that age dream of, I wished that someday in the far future I would be able to become an astronaut and surf through space to explore what mankind knows about least ___ our universe. But all that changed when I came to realize how difficult it was to make such a decision. I now understand that following my intuition and my childhood's dream career might not be the appropriate choice.
Over the years of my insignificant short life, I have been influenced by many people who have affected my personality in many ways. My father was among the most people who had a direct and critical effect on my personality. He is the one that I am always thankful to for what I am now today; a person that is respected and honored by many people.
In addition, one of the major reasons that helped me attain both my personal and academic characteristics was travelling to a summer language school alone in the summer of 2003. I was only 12. My father insisted on my going alone, without company on the airplane throughout the long flight to London. Living there with all these foreigners scared me at first, but over time I became accustomed to the environment despite the huge difference between our culture and theirs. During this small period of time I have been building my personality and improving my academic levels simultaneously. It all came in hand when the school year started, and I have noticed how much I have improved in various ways. The significance of this trip wasn't only helpful from the academic perspective, or for strengthening my points of weakness in my personality, it also helped me enhance my understanding of the outside world better.
As years have been passing by so quickly, I have come to realize that it is not that easy to choose my future college that I intend to apply to. After all, what I choose will determine the career that will become a vital part of my life. After searching and taking advice from various sources, I have narrowed down the possibilities of the so called "One of the most important decisions of a person's life" to two choices (Medicine "Surgery", and Genetics "Research"). However that did not make making the decision any easier; on the contrary, it was actually more difficult to make up my mind. Although the two majors are close to each other from a general perspective, as such in that they both mainly consist of biological sciences, the careers that derive from each major are a far cry from each other. I have made a decision with the support of my family, and the advice of professors and teachers to settle things in between those two choices. That final decision was to apply to the college of Medicine, and hopefully in the future, specializing in a major that involves both Medical and Genetic research.Mohammed,
I think you are allowing too much of your indecision into this essay. You don't tell us until the end what you want to study, and by then it sounds like you have only grudgingly and reluctantly decided to study medicine. With so many applicants very eager to study medicine, this will not help you at all.
I appreciate your candor, but you will need to find a way to write honestly while still expressing enthusiasm for your chosen field of study. What is it about medicine or genetics that excites you? Start with that! (Right now, the only excitement you express is for the field you will not study.)
Also, I am not so certain that you must choose between medical and genetics research if you are just now applying for undergraduate admissions. With a Life Sciences or biology major, you can go into either field. It is only in the course of your undergraduate education that you will learn for which field you are best suited.
Feel free to come back for advice on form once you have solved this most serious problem with the substance of your essay.
Good luck!
Simone, I'm so glad you mentioned "indecision." I could not find the words to express what I wanted to say about this one. Yes, Mohammed, this essay should have a single, overarching theme that runs throughout each paragraph. Do not let yourself write about many disjointed things. I think the whole first paragraph, for example, should be cut, because it is just musing about something unrelated to the main point of the essay.
The main point of the essay seems to be indecision! I think you should rewrite it so that it is all about a resolute decision that you have come to.
I suggest that you try again, and use the last paragraph as the first paragraphfor your new draft. Cut out this sentence:
However that did not make making the decision any easier; on the contrary, it was actually more difficult to make up my mind.
Then, use paragraph 3 as paragraph 2. Does that make sense? I think you should write a new essay that begins with these last two paragraphs in reverse order. that would get you on your way to writing this n a way that expresses one main idea, one memorable idea.
The significance of this trip wasn't only helpful from the academic perspective, or for strengthening my points of weakness in my personality, but also for enhancing my understanding of the outside world better .
