College, a place of New Begginings & unexpected encounters; TRANSFERING OBJECTIVES

Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I always thought of college as a place of new beginnings and unexpected encounters. It would be place where I would make lifelong friends, with whom I would enjoy some of the best years of my life with. However, as a senior in High School, I felt withdrawn from the idea of choosing a direction in life. It was a big switch for me and unfortunately I was not prepared to make such a drastic decision. My mother, a graduate of Norwalk Community College, advised me to attend NCC just until I had decided what I wanted to pursue in life.

My time at Norwalk Community College has been undeniably magnificent. Over the course of my first semester, I have developed into a prestigious young man that clearly understands his major and knows the steps necessary to obtain it. NCC gave me the free time I needed to read several medical books and prepare myself mentally for any challenging coursework that may come ahead. I have made many good friends at Norwalk Community College and I have studied with some wonderful professors. Today I know I am ready to take on bigger challenges. My potential, determination, and diligence are great characteristics that I was able to strengthen during my semester at NCC and are now going to aid me as I transition to a four-year institute.

Furthermore, NCC helped me absorb the academic lifestyle of a college student and build my interest for the medical field. On the other hand, it did not allow me to experience living on a college campus. I wanted to immerse myself within a diverse community while at the same time taking dynamic courses to fulfill the prerequisites of my major. NCC was a great start, but it was not the whole package; this is when I knew that I had to transfer to a four-year institute in order to understand what it truly meant to be in a university.

1) What more should I talk about?
2) Is it grammatically correct?
3) Anything I can reword to make it better?

I think you should speak less about the school that you currently attend. You should also spend some time to talk about why you want to transfer. There's too much about your current school, you really shouldn't speak about your school unless you are comparing to the school that you want to transfer to. Like, what does the school that you want to transfer to have that your current school doesn't? How can this transfer help you achieve goals that you couldn't have at your other school. All of that should be in this essay. I think you should omit the first paragraph. Keep, fix, and add to the second paragraph. From the third paragraph, just take the part about diversity and emphasize.