I really need some feedback on the content of this essay...Also, if there are any grammar or spelling errors please feel free to correct.
Heres the Topic:
Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world - the people in it, events great and small, everyday life - or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well.
I am an artist. The world is my canvas and as I paint with my pallet of knowledge, the color and texture of my understanding come to life. This of course is a metaphor for my life. In actuality, I am a terrible a painter. In fact, my best pieces are probably a few finger painted stick figures I made in Kindergarten. Nonetheless, I am an artist in the broader interpretation of the word and as academic and spiritual strengths describe who I am, my life is dramatically embodied in the beauty of intellectual pursuits which reveal why I am.
Strength, unmistakably characterizes who I am in several aspects of life. Morally, my strength and ability to achieve exemplary standards are a direct result of my relationship with Jesus Christ which has compelled me to live an honest, respectable life despite many varying influences within everyday high school society. Academically, my application, transcripts, and resume speak for themselves as it is evident that I have both the potential and reputation for producing superior work.
However, these strengths have largely developed through an artistic outlook on life and a burning desire to look beyond the basic components of a point and dig deeper into a whole other creative world which allows me to pursue learning as an art or lifestyle rather than a task. Therefore, the beauty of intellectual pursuits immediately identifies with me. I remember the first time my English teacher ever told me to "Get out of the box!" With a puzzled look on my face as the words reverberated through my ears and into my mind I thought, "Where is this box and how did I get in it in the first place?" As I wrapped my hands around this concept that I learned meant to remove the constraints of one-way thinking and consider deeper aspects of a point, I began my quest for the solution although it did not take long for me to realize that this "out of the box" method was not as foreign as I had originally thought. After all, it was my pursuit of the deeper meaning of my mother's commands to "Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you" that led me to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ in the first place.
Just as an artist pays attention to fine details within a picture, I always look for the small, seemingly insignificant beauties in life such as the serenity of ducks as they float in a uniform row, across a lake's surface at twilight. Even as an aspiring Pre-Medical student and eventual Cardiothoracic Surgeon, my scrupulosity in addition to my scholarship are characteristics that enhance my abilities and capabilities to strive at Columbia University's level because I have come to understand that the concept I discovered in English class was not simply a writing method, but a way of life. The artist's way of life.
This essay is written very well and I really can't find anything wrong with it. However, I would like to know why you aspire to be a pre-med student and maybe what inspired you to become a Cardiothoracic Surgeon, but maybe you explained that best somewhere else in your application, so it may not be worth adding it in.
