Columbia MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER short essay

Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events. 1500 characters

"How does he do it?" I pondered as I intently watched motivational speaker Bill Poett pace back and forth. For the past forty-five minutes he'd been depicting the damaging conditions of doubt and discouragement and the potential it has to quench ambition and self-esteem. As he continued, I sat there shocked. He wasn't at any point telling me something I didn't know but simply defining the components of my motivation I felt unable to articulate. As he stressed the importance of enhancing your self-worth, I smiled. I believe the most detrimental condition facing society's youth is the idea you're not worthy or are incapable of doing something. Once you determine you can't achieve, you don't try, guaranteeing that you won't. A fact he confirmed after proclaiming "self worth is the determining factor for everything that happens in your life". Later, he told the audience the importance of subjecting yourself to physical, emotional and mental negative resistance. A concept I had unwittingly discovered this three years earlier. I recognized accepting challenges forced me to improve, leading to a perpetual spiral of self improvement. At the end of the lecture, Bill's explanation of what I felt left me with the confidence in knowing my beliefs are commendable.

First draft 1273 characters (with spaces)

Any advice ?

I think you can use your last 200+ characters to show more on why you find this meaningful. You use great vocabulary but there are still some parts that does not flow well. Reread to check that and I think you have a very strong essay.

I personally thoroughly enjoyed your short essay. It was really concise and to the point, but still managed to convey your intimate thoughts and personal feelings on the subject at hand deftly. The only thing I could possible suggest is to alter your sentence 'I sat there shocked.' You could possibly opt for an alternate word choice for shocked such as 'astounded' or 'flabbergasted', but other than that I see nothing truly wrong with it.

Your thoughts were deep, but you could also incorporate more emotional responses (if that is what was asked). Great work though!