Here's the prompt-
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:
While talking to a current Columbia student, I was astounded to hear about the stunning level of involvement around the campus. As the conversation continued, I began to imagine becoming part of such a dynamic community, where I could be discussing works of Aristotle or Plato with a classmate one moment, and then participating in a community service project the next. Columbia's rigorous curriculum, when combined with the innumerable opportunities for activities throughout the campus, exhibits an active student life, undoubtedly the most appealing aspect of the university.
tell me what you guys think?
I like the fact it's short and to the point. You may mention your prospective specialty of study and how it could help you achieve your goals.
your last sentence isnt gramatically correct first off, you dont actually finish the sentence correctly. I like the fact that its short, but if you have this kind of short essay you better have a powerful anecdote or message, I don't see that. I see solid writing, I just think you need to elaborate a little more, talk a little about your characteristics and give something more descriptive about Columbia, you could say a lot of schools have a rigorous ciricculum. I'm not applying to Columbia so I don't know much about the school, but for Duke, I'm talking about the culture created there by sports, and teh various clubs and activities duke is famous for and the overall passion and vibe in the community. Give something more specific to Columbia, for ex how its in the middle of Manhattan if that appeals to you, and create something a little moving. Still, this is overall solid writing that just needs a little more pop. I have three essays I'm about to submit, if you get a chance, I would love to hear any feedback from you, whatever you have to say, thanks alot.
it's really short and to the point. I like it :)
yet you could have elaborated a bit more about you.
it's appealing but how that appeal relates to yourself,.. like 'I am the type of activity person. I believe I will fit in the rigorous schedule in Columbia blah blah.'
that's what I think
good luck
