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Columbia Transfer essay, a sense of who you are (international student)


alicose1010 1 / 4  
Feb 12, 2010   #1
Write an essay that conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences that have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world-the people in it, events great and

small, everyday life-or any personal theme that appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to 250-500 words (1-2 pages).

When I was little, my favorite thing to do was jumping over walls, I had always had great keen to what lay beyond those cracked bricks. And I know that whenever I got over the walls, I would enjoy a broader vista. It is not the wall itself that wanting me to conquer, it's simply just the view outside motivates me gets over the walls.

As I grown older, I had begun to build my own viewpoints using the views that I learnt from the school. Although the textbooks had always emphasized its globalism, the views of the propagandas had inevitably mingled the traditional Chinese stereotypes. I hadn't realized my Chinese stereotype until having been to US for exchange for one month. While visiting the museums in the USA, I had realized my Chinese-style arrogance that tucked away in my subconscious. I realized that I had lived in a country that surrounds by walls-from the magnificent and profound Great Wall to an invisible wall tucked in Chinese culture that barriers Chinese people from the outside world.

I began to get over the walls that surrounds in my culture-the wall that barriers me between my own culture and the outside world. I began to learn Japanese language and culture not only due to the influence of anime, but also my intense savor to the revolutionary Meiji Restoration. I began to learn French culture due to my strong keen to French-style design both in architecture and in landscape design. I began to read books about Sweden after I had been addicted in the grim and simple Sweden rock music and Sweden-style design brand like IKEA and H&M.

As I have perceived other cultures from all around the world, I began to view the world in another perspective. Rather than treat other cultures as 'marginal', whom the traditional Chinese culture had maintained from the past, I started to view every culture in their own stance. I started to question the irrational anti-Japanese propaganda in my country, which propaganda used to ignite my frantic and unreasonable anger against Japanese. I started to appreciate the Baroque-style of design, which traditional Chinese culture seldom involved. I started to view Zimbabwe, a country that Chinese press often viewed as poverty, with appreciation due to its ancient Great Zimbabwe National monument. Without prejudice, I began to view every individual culture with respect, viewing that every culture having its own characteristics that are distinct in the world.

After this time, I began to realize that after I expanded my vista, I had a more profound view on surrounding issues. I used to evaluate people using very single standard that tuck away in my subconscious. However, after this time, I began to discover every single merit on each individual. I found judging people is ridiculous, since every single individual has their own distinguishing feature. We should not view others using our own standard which would inevitably penetrate our own prejudice, and would obstruct us from seeing objectively. Whenever I found myself being trapped in the circle of prejudice, I would expand my vista to let myself not limit to a narrow circle. And I began to get over the walls in my life.

i am an international student, so my way of expression in English language may be mistaken, so sorry about that. Please give me criticism and advice on this essay. Thank you.

keilinger 9 / 53  
Feb 12, 2010   #2
When you say "Chinese-style arrogance," it sounds like you are putting down your race. And in a way, this is contrary to the point you're trying to make: getting past labels will help you learn.

Rather than treat other cultures as 'marginal', whom the traditional Chinese culture had maintained from the past, I started to view every culture in their own stance.

China maintained an isolationist attitude a long, long time ago, before you or I was born. How would this have a significant influence on you? Globalization has made the world so that it is easier than ever to connect with other countries, if not for business purposes, then for the purpose of understanding other cultures.

I started to question the irrational anti-Japanese propaganda in my country, which propaganda used to ignite my frantic and unreasonable anger against Japanese.

I'm not sure if this is a reference to the Nan Jing Massacre. If not, it needs to be clearer so that the person reviewing your application doesn't think you're ignoring an important issue. The Japanese government has yet to acknowledge and accept responsibility for what happened, and IMO, it's understandable that China is angry.

Good essay, on the whole. I always enjoy the theme of questioning your beliefs, and it's also a good one to write about for college.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 13, 2010   #3
When I was little, my favorite thing to do was jumping over walls. I had always had great interest in what lay beyond those cracked bricks. And I knew that whenever I got over the walls, I would enjoy a broader vista. It is not the wall itself that I wanted to conquer; i t's simply the view outside motivates me gets over the walls.

As I grew older, I began to build my own viewpoints using the views that I learnt from the school. Although the textbooks had always...

I began to get over the walls that surrounded in my culture-the wall that were acting as barriers between my own culture and the outside world. I began to learn ...

I found that judging people is ridiculous, since every single individual has their own distinguishing features.

:-)
OP alicose1010 1 / 4  
Feb 15, 2010   #4
to keilinger,

Thank you for your advice. By isolation, I meant the isolation phenomenon that long existed in Chinese culture. By irrational anger, I meant there are few Chinese people who opposed everything from Japan to potrary their anger against Japanese. Thank you so much!
OP alicose1010 1 / 4  
Feb 15, 2010   #5
To Kevin,

Thank you so much for your correction!
linmark 2 / 328 7  
Feb 16, 2010   #6
Ohhhh - I get it!! Your theme of walls...the powerful imagery of the Great Wall (of China) came to mind upon re-reading your essay (oh - and there was the Berlin wall too.) Some questions, suggestions, corrections (in RED):

it's simply the view outside my boundaries - if you want to use the word outside, it should include outside what... that motivates me to crossget s over the walls.

Why repeat "every single"? I would get rid of every single one of them (absolutes are a NONO.)

using very single standardsthat tucked away in my subconscious. However, after this time, I began to discover every single meritson in each individual. I found judging people is ridiculous, since every singleeach individual has their own distinguishing feature.

Instead of "ridiculous" (a weak adverb) how about "self-defeating as each time it puts me back over the all ... or makes my walls go back up?. Can you come up with

We should not view others using our own standard which would inevitably penetrate our own prejudice, and would obstruct us from seeing objectively.

Isn't this sentence a half non-sequitur? Be careful of conflicting or double negatives. Using your own prejudiced standard would NOT penetrate your own prejudice. It would only obstruct you from seeing objectively. So either you go with one or the other: using your own (unobjective or biased) standards would obstruct you from seeing objectively; or we should view others using objective unbiased standards. Keep it simple!!

Whenever I found myself being trapped in the circle of prejudice, I would expand my vista to letfree myself from this vicious circlelimit to a narrow circle.
OP alicose1010 1 / 4  
Feb 16, 2010   #7
--to linmark,

Thank you so much for your correction. I am weak on logic...


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