Columbia univeristy- the circumstances of my upbringing

Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world - the people in it, events great and small, everyday life - or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).

This is currently 531 words, I'm not sure if I should cut it down because it does also say or 1-2 pages. However, if you do find things to cut down, I would be extremely grateful. Thanks so much! I'll return the favor and edit essays!

JFK International Airport seemed enormous and clean to my six year old eyes, eyes which had only seen the disorganized chaos of the Mumbai International Airport. "Mommy, look at all the foreigners!" I exclaimed. My mom gave me a tired smile and gave my hand a squeeze as she guided my brothers, fifteen year old Craig and ten year old Karl, and me into the bright April sunlight of New York City. The air was crisp and cool, free of the smog I had gotten used to in the air of Mumbai. Due to marital problems, my mother had just left my father and started a journey with her three children, one that would take her from a small physical therapy office in Queens to a booming practice of her own.

My mother left the success she had built for herself in India and came to New York to make a better life for her children. Because she wanted a lot for us, she very regularly worked from eight in the morning to ten at night from Mondays to Saturdays and I would often not see her throughout the week. My brothers cared for me, making sure I ate and went to bed on time, but they too were young to do everything and first had to take care of themselves. I had to find my own ways to entertain myself and to take care of my schoolwork, but I was able to succeed because I had my mother has a role model.

Because of my upbringing, I am a lot more independent and hardworking than I probably could have been had I been brought up any other way, and I know the true value of a dollar. To fill up my free time, I often found ways to entertain myself, from building forts and having tea parties with my stuffed animals to exploring the neighborhood and finding new friends. I also had to take care of my schoolwork on my own and did not have the luxury of having my mother check my homework every night, as teachers often recommended parents do. However, I emulated my mother and tried to work as hard as possible so I could be like her, and did not let the fact that I had to do all my work on my own hinder me. I made my own diorama of the African savanna, did multiple science fair projects in elementary school, including one in which I created a heating and cooling system out of cardboard, and wrote many essays on my own. Seeing my mother struggle to save money taught me to be careful with money, and I saved my five dollar a month allowance religiously and got a job as soon as I was allowed to in high school.

I refuse to give anyone the opportunity to cite my upbringing with a single mother as a negative, because to me, it was a learning experience that I would not trade for anything. I would not be the person I am today had it not been for my mother raising me up as she did, and I am thankful for the sacrifices she made.

You can take the start of the journey back further, starting in Mumbai?






This essay will surely show this school exactly how your upbringing has CONTRIBUTED positively to how you are today.

Awesome job, hope my small suggestions on flow and phrasing helped.

Check out my responses if you have time please : ) they are both under 200 words.

Wow thanks so much for your edits. They definitely improved my essay.
I just wanted to comment on


Right now, I have 471 words (I realized the money thing was irrelevant, so I got rid of it and it saved me so many words). I don't really want to go into the story in Mumbai because it's very personal, and it would take up a lot of room. Do you think it's fine without it as well?

Thanks again and I'll take a look at your short essays.

...saved my five dollar per month allowance religiously and got ...

No, you don't have to go into a personal story. The thing is, you need a solid purpose for this essay. You need to know what you are trying to do to the reader. What kind of experience are you providing the reader? You will know what to include when you know the central truth you are trying to convey. Convince us of something.

I really like the second half of the essay a lot more than the first half.

I know the purpose is to let them know who you are, but you can have an ulterior purpose, too!! You can express your truth in a way that shows that you are on a mission to create dramatic change in your chosen field. I think that would be a good focus.

:-)

Very interesting story but I suggest you to cut it down a little more. I've heard a lot that they prefer shorter essays because they are easier to read.