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'combination of personal and professional development factors' - why Undergraduate Psychology

tanya_sandhu96 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2014   #1
Hi I wondering if anybody can provide me a feedback if my ps and improve upon it. Thank you.


My decision to pursue an undergraduate programme of study in Psychology is rooted in a combination of personal and professional development factors. On a professional level, I aspire to a career as a criminal psychologist

which obviously necessitates that I achieve a university level education in Psychology. I have long had an interest in the psychological processes that determine our core being and such a fascination was enhanced by reading books such as 'Women Who Love Psychopaths' by Sandra Brown and by documentaries such as 'The Bailey Brothers'. As a result, I desire to build upon the knowledge gained in my secondary Psychology classes.

With respect to my academic suitability for the course, I undertook my secondary education in India under the auspices of the Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE). I studied Psychology together with Economics, Geography, English Core and History. My performance was sufficient to secure the school prize in the Humanities as well as the specific Psychology prize reflecting my strong interest in Psychology. The diverse range of subjects taken has provided me with a firm base in the social sciences and furbished me with the analytical, data handling and research skills necessary to successfully undertake a degree in Psychology. I feel the range of subjects complement each other well with each providing transferable skills to beneficial to the study of Psychology - with Economics for instance allowing me familiarity both with data modelling and the crucial case method of study. As part of my high school experience, I was part of the exchange programme with Herschel Girl's High School in Capetown, South Africa which proved to be an enriching experience that enabled me to expand my horizons culturally, socially and indeed academically by allowing me to experience the curriculum of another educational system. More broadly having been through the boarding school experience has imbued in me a sense of independence, self motivation and time management skills that are sure to transfer well into the university environment.

Outside of the classroom, I feel I present a sophisticated professional profile relative to my contemporaries. I have a diverse range of experiences which have served to confirm for me that Psychology is the subject I wish to study. To illustrate, I volunteer at an old person's home for those who suffer from dementia, as well as at the Waverley School for children who suffer from Autism and other learning disabilities. Both experiences have proven to be deeply fascinating and indeed at times testing. I have gained valuable professional skills from both such as learning how to care for children with autism and associated disorders and to be patient and caring when dealing with the vulnerable. From my time working with dementia patients I have come to understand some of the impacts of cognitive malfunction and observed the manner in which clinical staff deal with the victims adopting both drug and non-drug based therapies. In addition, I have worked as a medium on a voluntary basis to broaden my involvement within psychological environments and conducted school research into anorexic athletes- representing my first case study. Professionally, I work for American eagle Outfitters which has helped me develop time management, organizational, team working and financial skills. I enjoy the human aspect of the work and feel these skills are transferable.

I feel I can further enrich the vibrant student body. I am a keen sportswoman - having captained my House and School in various sports, appointed prefect in class 12th,

a dramatist and an enthusiastic oratory competitor in numerous languages. Such activities have taught me the value of preparation, team work, organization and clear communication and given me leadership qualities.

In sum, I feel I present a well rounded profile and boundless enthusiasm for the subject and feel the university offers the ideal platform from which I can chase my dreams.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 13, 2014   #2
Tanya, this personal statement is way too long and contains too much information.Was an essay prompt provided to you for this essay or are you just winging it? If you are winging it, you need to keep your personal statement simple by sticking to the basic points that the admissions officer usually wants to know about you. The information usually includes:

1. The foundation of your desire to enroll in your chosen major. This includes any personal experience that opened your eyes to your field of interest.

2. Any extra curricular or volunteer activities that you participated in that relates to your major. Add a statement about how it further fueled your desire to learn more about the field.

3. Your personal goal, mission, or objective in pursuing the course. Do you see yourself as a game changer in this arena? What are your plans after college? Provide an overview of the information.

Basically, your personal statement should offer an insight into other aspects of your personality that is not covered by the common apps. If you have to make up the thesis for your personal statement, use the information above as a guide. If you have a particular question you have to answer, do not deviate from answering it. Your current essay really needs to be edited for content. It is too long and contains too much information that is not really relevant to your chosen field. Those irrelevant parts need to be removed from the essay. Review the essay and you should see what I mean. If you can't find it, let me know and I will point it out to you :-)
OP tanya_sandhu96 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2014   #3
Thank you so much. I will review my PS again and hopefully make it much better. :)
samramandy 3 / 16 1  
Nov 14, 2014   #4
I would agree with Louisa. You can make the content relevant and make the sentence formation shorter and simpler, not missing out on anything important.

Follow the rule of KISS - Keep It Short and Simple!

- Mandeep Samra

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