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'If I did not come to America'..' - application essay to PDS


hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #1
Explain a event that had an impact on your life, your way of thinking, or the world.

On May 5th, 2006, at exactly 9:30 AM, I boarded Asiana Flight 3625, and got ready for my journey The United States of America. This is a journey that will inevitably impact my life. Once I arrived in the John F. Kennedy International Airport, I was ready for a new life. The United States differentiated from China in various ways, such as basic freedoms, people's way of thinking, and the people's way of life. After I came here, many of my habits have been affected.

One of the first things that changed was my recognition of my basics rights. In China, the government controlled newspapers, television, and all media sources. Also, we weren't allowed to oppose the government verbally, but in The United States, freedom of speech grants us the right to express our feelings. In The United States, all citizens are granted a speedy trial if they are convicted of a crime. But in China, if a government official accuses you of a crime, you can be automatically executed, or thrown into jail for life. Such freedoms also affected my way of life, as I became more extroverted.

Being an extrovert has many advantages, now, I am able to make many new friends, and experience the American way of life. The American way of life brings me a new perspective in life. I now realized that you should have fun when you can, and live life to the fullest, but when you are working, you have to concentrate and focus to do your best. In America, I also learned to play sports, participate in extracurricular activities, and volunteer in many events that might help the community. One sport that I learned to play in America is tennis, as I was playing with my friends one day, they introduced me to the concept of tennis and taught me the basics of it. If I did not come to America, I would've missed out on the joys of playing tennis.

When I was in China, I was more of a conservative individual, living life traditionally, and was afraid of big changes. But The United States transformed me into an active liberal person. Now I petition against certain government acts, argue about politics in public, and I welcome new changes in society, as I see that it is the only way we will evolve and become stronger as a nation. After becoming a liberalist, my views on many topics also changed.

My journey to The United States of America impacted my life permanently, and my new views, skills, and way of life will most definitely help me in the days to come. Without coming to The United States, I doubt that I will ever be able to enjoy such benefits. Now, instead of a conservative introverted individual in China, I am transformed into a caring liberalist person that believes in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
oko 1 / 26  
Jan 15, 2012   #2
Great read! This is written to a very high standard. I dod not see any mistakes or errors in your essay. Wonderful!

Please read mine too
OP hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #3
Please review my essay, and I will review yours :)
Nicole11 3 / 12  
Jan 15, 2012   #4
I think for the intro it would be great if you were more descriptive and said exactly how you felt boarding the flight to make a bigger impact. Besides that it sounds great! Good Luck
OP hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #5
Thank you sooooooo much! And would you mind if you edit my other essay please?
To anyone else who is reading this post, please revise my essay, and I will return the favor!
mohamed459 9 / 27  
Jan 15, 2012   #6
1) I think you mean fair trial rather than speedy

2) Being an extrovert has many advantages. Now, I am able to make many new friends, and experience the American way of life
- I think you should fix the setence like this

3) Not bad, well written matter of fact
ggreif 2 / 5  
Jan 15, 2012   #7
I like it a lot. It's an interesting subject, and well written. I think you meant to put the word "to" before "United States of America", and it should be "basic rights" rather than "basics rights". But other than these small typos the essay seems well thought out and well written. :)
omo5031 8 / 33  
Jan 15, 2012   #8
wow,...this is really interesting, you answered the prompt well. Great job.
OP hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #9
Thank you guys and girls for all your help, I have submit the final version.


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