I come from a community where work isn't referred to as a career, but a job.

Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words)
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

I come from a community where work isn't referred to as a career, but a job. That job is the means to make enough money to pay bills, put food on the table, and make sure that there are clothes on backs, shoes on feet. Where I am from, fathers are rare, and in their absence are teenage boys, still discovering who they are themselves. I come from a community of misguided boys who never fully reach their potential. Most of the boys I grew up with in my community are in prison. Where I come from, if you're the oldest son, then you're the man of the house. I come from a community where at the age of twelve, there are boys doing whatever it takes to take care of their families, legal or not. I come from a community of resiliency, and perseverance. I come from a community where moral values are engrained, manners are a must, and common sense is survival. I come from a community where heads are held high and giving up is not an option. I come from a community of hope, where every generation gets a little closer to economic freedom. In my community I am the exception. I am the boy who defeated the odds, steered clear of jail and drugs, and made it to college. I want to be an example to the children who go through the same things that I did growing up, and show them that they are more than just a statistic. I want to show the elders in my community that the tough love and wisdom that they imparted in me was not wasted. I am an ambassador for my low-income, public housing community in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Your community is very interesting. Unfortunately, you lost the admissions officer towards the end when you said that you don't have a place within your community because your community is within you. That is not a proper response because you are being asked to definitely explain what your role is within the community, if you feel that you do not have a role in the community because it is within you, then you must take at least a paragraph to explain that mindset. Thus offering up an idea as to what kind of position you do have in your community. Believe me, you may not think that you have a place within the community but you actually do. Any sort of contribution that you make within the community defines your purpose and place in the community. With any luck, you may be able to find that place, no matter how abstract the explanation within the community.

Thank you vangiespen for your response! I will find a way to describe my role in my community. How much more than the specified word count is appropriate?

Edited

I come from a community where work isn't referred to as a career, but a job. That job is the means to make enough money to pay bills, put food on the table, and make sure that there are clothes on backs, shoes on feet.

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The edited version of your essay works very well. However, there is a line that I feel does not need to be included in the description of your community as the season for that has already passed. I refer to the following line:


Try to focus your essay on the way that you come from an under serviced community that is striving to get itself out of the economic cesspool that is drowning its residents using relevant information only.I was not kidding when I told you that you had a place in your community and I am very glad that you found it :-) If you still can, try to describe the kind of life the teenage boys in your community live their lives so that they will appear in stark contrast to who you are and what you want to be as a part of your community. Let me know if you have gone severely over the word count, what the maximum word count is with expansion, and if you will agree to cut some portions of the essay that seem redundant and thus unnecessary in the description of your community if need be.

Try to join a few of the sentences by just using "where" and eliminating "I come from a community". This will improve the flow of the passage.