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I come from a family that was socially classified as different, and was therefore looked down


jonep 1 / -  
Nov 23, 2014   #1
UC essay - Personal Statement

I realize it's really horrible, so just let me know if I should start over or do I have a chance at fixing it ?

I don't come from only a different country, with a different culture, morals, and beliefs. I also come from a family that was socially classified as different, and was therefore looked down upon. I had endure humiliation in front of classmates, criticisms for my beliefs, and direct violence as a child who had his arm scarred by a drunk wanting revenge on those who don't share the same believes as he does. I have always dreamt of a day when my family found a place for us to stay safe from getting mugged every now and then, or at least waking up to the sound of my father's car's windshield getting shattered in the middle of the night. Days like this happened relatively often; and there was no real reason to try with the police, since they couldn't control a whole neighborhood.

I could safely assume that such experiences not only shaped my thoughts and dreams, but they also still affect me to this day. While finding peace made everything I was aiming for clearer, it made that road leading to it much longer and harder. But since I know what I am destined to accomplish, anything that appears too hard for others is within my reach. By surviving through horrific experiences that could have ended any hopes or dreams I had made, any goal now appears much easier; with fewer dangers than I had to endure earlier, I believe there is no reason to not offer my best. From the moment I stepped foot into this country, I've seen the equivalent of the violence I had to go through earlier in my life, in the form of difficulties in settling down, and getting used to school. However, while others saw it fit to give up, and stop trying since it is too hard, I saw every little detail as an opportunity to achieve what was more than impossible at some point in my life. Not only was choosing not to quit a struggle, but so was having high hopes. By sitting here, and writing this essay, I've chosen to not only step over the fear of denial, but to also neglect others' attempts to reason me out of hopeful actions.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 23, 2014   #2
Jonep, the essay is really all over the place right now and I am not sure about how I can help you out. Mainly because I have no idea about what story you are trying to tell. You need to provide the personal statement prompt that you are trying to answer so that your essay can be better reviewed and analyzed. Remember, we can't help you if we don't know what the problem is :-) Please upload the essay prompt to this thread as soon as you can so that we can have a guide for reviewing the essay. Right now I can tell that you are trying to express something about your world, your community, and your family relationships. I am just not sure which of the prompts that are often answered this way you are trying to answer. So be specific and share the prompt with us as soon as possible :-)


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