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I come from Jombang; Stanford:Roommate


Mein 4 / 22 2  
Dec 29, 2012   #1
I would like to ask you to criticize my essay as much as possible

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Good day, how are you? I am glad that both of us can attend at Stanford University. First, my name is Ibrahim Nadiyan, and my friends usually call me Ibrahim. I come from Jombang, a small town in Indonesia. Well, I have to tell you that I am quiet messy. But, don't worry; the only place that will be messy is my bed and my desk, so I just want to ask you to tolerate my messiness a little.

I love playing games, although it's not a game technically. I also like to watch anime; you know, a Japanese cartoon. I have a big collection of them, so if you want to watch, just ask me; I have many recent anime, but don't have any anime that's famous like Bleach or Naruto. The other thing is I love listening to music with genre symphonic metal like Nighwish or Sirenia and I usually use earphone, so you don't have to worry if you want a quiet time. I am weird, and I need you to constantly remind me if I am going to do something stupid, as sometimes I can't think straight. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I am forgetful too, but don't worry, I have a flexible schedule, though I don't know what you should worry about. I am in between quiet and noisy; rather, I can be either one depending on my emotion.

Oh, and my first impression is definitely different from what I have written. I rarely talk about myself, and only in my own mind and my writing I can freely talk like extroverted people. Well, from what I have described about myself, you should have understood, but I will tell you clearly; I am an introvert, with some extent of extroversion inside me. What am I talking about? Hoho, even I don't understand my own blabbering sometimes. Well, that's all about me, I wish our college life can be fun!

The second essay is not finished yet, could you give suggestion how it should end?

What matters to you, and why?

Will I cry when someone precious to me die? That is the question that I have asked a long time ago, and today I know the answer; I will cry when someone that's important to me die. If I don't cry, won't that mean that they are not precious to me? I believe what matters to me is feeling. If I am happy when I am with a person, that means that she/he is a good person, and potentially become my friend. It determines what's important to me and what's not. It also determine what I like and what I don't like. For example, when listening to music, I always search for a song that matches my current feeling; I don't know my current feeling, it just I will change the song if I don't really want to listen current song.

Even though I said feeling matters to me, I don't really understand my feeling. I understand when it's sad, but sometimes I can't be sad when I have to. That's why I always wonder whether it's important to me or not.
ahiasat1 3 / 6 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
I would say remove this part ( good day, how are you?)
Also remove I am glad that both of us can attend at Stanford University
OP Mein 4 / 22 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
Thank you.


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