Will someone please give me constructive criticism on my essay? It'd be a great help!
The prompt of this is about a person who influenced your life.
"Little one, lại đây. Come. I want to show you a story," My uncle said one day as I clambered out of my small boat. Uncle was a man of little words, so it was peculiar for him to ask me to sit with him. Slightly wary, I gave him a quick bow of respect and proceeded to fold up my legs, tentatively awaiting for whatever he had to say.
His story was about Triệu Thị Trinh, a female warrior in 3rd century AD. At a young age, she had a fiery spirit and contagious passion that women had always been discouraged from in the asian culture. She broke boundaries and embraced her rebellious nature as she planned a revolt against the Wu Kingdom simply because she was able to acknowledge her potential. When her "wild" actions were questioned, she merely stated these famous words that would be immortalized in numerous history books: "I only want to ride the wind and walk the waves, slay the big whales of the Eastern sea, clean up frontiers and save people from drowning. Why should I imitate others, bow my head, stoop over and be a slave? Why resign myself?"
After that day, her words etched themselves into my mind. I remember myself sitting on the cold, concrete floor of my grandparent's old home in Vietnam, sifting through the yellowed pages of my grandfather's school notes while my cousins were busy perfecting their phở bắc recipes. I remember experiencing the grand splendor of the ancient Nguyen Dynasty palaces while the others shopped through the congested markets for fabric to craft into perfectly tailored pants. I remember how my thirst for knowledge and success puzzled my Aunts and cousins since "young girls were supposed to focus on taking care of their families, not stuffing their noses into books". Most of all, I remember pushing the boundaries and limitations of the potential I knew I had, just as Trinh had done. I didn't want a white-picket fence at the end of a cul-de-sac to help me culture my domestic skills. I wanted to pursue a route that would satiate my desire for knowledge and open up opportunities that would lead me anywhere but the confinements of a housewife's home.
I embrace the fact that I have deviated myself from the expectations of my culture by indulging in my intellectual studies. Society's unspoken rules are merely obstacles that I know I can overcome in order to achieve my highest potential. Although I may not be a female warrior fighting against a kingdom, I know I am a first generation student that is dedicated to her passion for knowledge and success, despite the great expectations of society.
delete myself from: I remember myself sitting on the cold
Besides that, amazing essay!! you really portayed your unique circumstaces without self-pity.
great job :)
Wow, it's a really good essay!
"Little one, lại đây. Come. I want to show you a story," Maybe replace show with tell. Or if that is just the way your uncle had said it, I guess it's okay then.
I really like your story, very inspiring:)
Slightly wary, I gave him a quick bow of respect and proceeded to fold up my legs, tentatively awaiting for whatever he had to say.
At a young age, she had a fiery spirit and contagious passion that women had always been discouraged from in the A sian culture.
She broke boundaries and embraced her rebellious nature as she planned a revolt against the Wu Kingdom, simply because she was able to acknowledge her potential.
"I only want to ride the wind and walk the waves, slay the big whales of the Eastern sea, clean up frontiers and save people from drowning. Why should I imitate others, bow my head, stoop over and be a slave? Why resign myself?" ---I LOVE this!
After that day, her words were etched themselves into my mind.
I remember myself sitting on the cold, concrete floor of my grandparent's old home in Vietnam, sifting...
I hope this is helpful!
:)
Thank you all so much! Your advice has truly helped!
Beautiful, concise, and well thought-out.
The syntax is fine, the grammar has been corrected by the moderator, and personally, I can't find any other problem with it.
Brilliant :)
Please check out my essay as well!
