Teddy, this is a very good example of an abstract world that you turned into a reality for the reader. You took us into the unique world of a dancer and showed us how it helped shaped you as a person along with your dreams and ambitions. Let me help you out with certain issues your paper has though. You can find my suggestions for polished paragraphs below.
I come from a world that has a dance floor. The sleek polished wood and crystal clear mirrors are the base of my dreams. I was introduced to dance the summer after freshman year by watching a crew perform at the Annual Arts and Wine Festival; the teams unity and teamwork provoked me to start dancing. I joined the team as the most inexperienced member and could barely keep up with the twelve year old girl who has been on the team for less than a year. As I practice I could almost smell the judgements of how bad I was and was often discouraged.
- I come from the world of dance. With its sleekly polished wooden floors and crystal clear mirrors, the science of fluid body movement captured my interest as a high school freshman. I can still remember watching the dance crew at the Annual Arts and Wine Festival and thinking that I would like to give living in their world a try. Upon joining a dance team as the most inexperienced member, I quickly realized that dance was not as simple nor as easy at it looked. I was so bad at dancing at first that a 12 year old girl who had just recently joined the dance team was doing pirouettes around me. Yet I refused to let the fact that I was the worst dancer on the team deter me from immersing myself in the world that I knew I wanted to belong in. Regardless of the bad judgement calls that were thrown my way, I refused to be discouraged and eventually, I was able to gain mastery of my dance moves and convince the others that I truly belonged with them.After hundreds of intense practices I finally began to feel confident and slowly became one of the leading members of the team. Performance after performance my skills were improving by the second. It wasn't long till I had realized that dance became my passion. It made me ask myself, "What if I did this for a living?" the idea that I could do something I love and live off it was satisfying. It made me realized that dance wasn't just something you do for fun; it was something you could do with your life. It has shaped my dream to become a dancer that is commended for their work.
- The dance world is unforgiving of those who make mistakes. Injuries abound and intense practice sessions were a part of daily life. It is a world that commands you to never surrender on your dreams because in the end, you will be rewarded not only with accolades from the audience, but a sense of self satisfaction that no other activity can provide. My passion for dance intensified with every performance, it was not long before dance became the only world I could live in. It did not take long before I began to wonder if I could do this professionally. I wasn't doing this just for fun anymore, I had been elevated to another level of the dance world and I needed to see where it would lead me.. My dream of becoming a professional dancer had now taken hold of me and I was not about to try to get out of it.Consider my suggested paragraphs an example of how to enhance your original work. Feel free to ask any questions. I will advise you as best as I can :-)