Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Please provide any helpful feedback, thank you!
Hard work and perseverance are two words that have been implemented in my life ever since I was a child. Coming to the United States with nothing more than a suitcase of clothing, a Spanish to English thesaurus and a hundred dollar bill, my family and I didn't necessarily reach the United States with many commodities. The different culture, language, and city size overpowered us with confusion and nostalgia. Coming from Cali, a small city in Colombia, Miami felt much too large and open. Where the people in Cali were very close to one another, I felt the people of Miami barely knew one another and lacked the sense of camaraderie. It wasn't until I began 4th grade that I began to interact with American children my age. However the language barrier between most children and I, kept us separated.
How then was I supposed to advance in this new country, when what seemed like the Berlin wall kept me from others. I knew that unless I began pounding into this "wall" by practicing my English, I would never surpass this obstacle. At my house I saw that my parents faced similar obstacles, as jobs were not easily obtainable without English. Despite our difficulties however, we were determined to move forward and overcome the first challege this new country had thrown at us. While most kids went out to play kick ball during recess, I stayed in class practicing nouns and verbs with my English teacher. When we were allowed to go to the library, instead of playing game at the computers I choose to try reading short stories. It was all this sacrifice that helped me finally grasp this new language.
Finally being able to interact with children my age in English was one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. It felt as if after all my hard work and small poundings at the "wall" I had finally been able to bring it down. I now realize that if I had never taken that extra step to overcome the language barrier, I would have never progressed in this new country. Success never comes to those who take no initiative and become too comfortable. One must always be hungry to learn and tear down obstacles that come into ones life.
Seeing that I was able to bring down an obstacle many people have fallen to, has taught me that there is nothing I cant accomplish through hard work and perserverance. Just as when I was in 4th grade now as a senior a new "wall" encircles me. Since neither my father nor mother were able to graduate from college due to the conditions we came to the United States in, I plan on being the first generation graduate from college. I know college will bring about new obstacles and challenges but I also know that when I was younger I overcame an obstacle as big as the Berlin wall.
A few things you may want to change:
I wonder why your family decided to relocate to America?
Coming to the United States with nothing more than a suitcase of clothing, a Spanish to English thesaurus and a hundred dollar bill, my family and I arrived in the United States with very little commodities.
However the language barrier between most children and I, kept us separated. You could say: However, I felt separated from most of the other children, due to the language barrier.
One point you are trying to make: the best way to break the language/culture wall is through immersion, that is the key to learning!
Be sure to represent yourself as a person with a plan, explain your short term and long term goals.
I understand you said the Berlin wall, I feel as though that you shouldn't include Berlin, into or you could add a detail of how you felt you weren't getting what you needed, because of this wall. I feel like its enough to just say wall. Overall its a really good essay with a lot of good vocab.
Have a read over my essay,tell me what you think!
