UC Prompt 1 - Coming from a world of technology

Hi,

Can anyone please help me with my introduction

Prompt- Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, communtiy, or school-0 and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Coming to America, a whole new country where you do not know the language or the culture must be hard, but having a newborn baby in a whole new country with no money or job has to be the hardest of all. My parents came from India in search of a life full of prosperity and happiness. My parents worked hard day and night having multiple jobs and there main job of taking care of me; they earned a lot of money and slowly but surely bought everything needed to have a home and bright future. I remember my parents buying a T.V. and how I use to watch the people in the T.V. and learn from them. Technology has helped me today in learning English and has helped me be aware of my Indian culture and my American culture. My name is Rinam and I come from a world full of technology.

P.S. does any one have any more ideas i could use in my essay
Thanks

You could talk about how your parents raised you, what your childhood was like, what you want to be and what you learned on T.V. You didn't fully answer the prompt yet for me. I don't know what you want to be when you grow up.

You have a couple spelling errors.

"My parents worked hard day and night having multiple jobs and there main job of taking care of me; they earned a lot of money and slowly but surely bought everything needed to have a home and bright future."

"My parents had multiple jobs so they worked hard every day and night. However, their main job was taking care of me. They earned enough money to buy everything they needed to have a home and a bright future."

I tried to fix it a bit but you can make it much more smoother than that.

You could use a transition between their main job of taking care of you to earning enough money. It sounds a little smoother if you did. You just jumped from one topic to another.

I hope this helps!

Thanks for the help and i am still writing the rest of my essay. It is hard to write about myself. Thanks again. Should i change my topic?????

Well it depends on your dreams and aspirations as well. Your topic is about your life is technology right? If you're going to do that, you should probably mention how your future/job would be related to technology. If your major or whatever isn't about technology, then you should change your topic. It totally depends on your major I think.

It was extremely hard for me as well, but it became easier when I figured out what kind of major I wanted. You can revise your essay and I'll read for you again if you want. I'm sorry this post wasn't as helpful as I would like it to be.