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Common App Activities Short Answer; 'My fingers rested on button'


sstarfish117 1 / 5  
Oct 7, 2012   #1
Please offer your feedback, thank you very much. =)

My fingers rested on button, ready to activate my weapon any second. This was our last battle and we needed to win. My teammates leaned forward, our minds racing, hearts beating fast. The table was our battlefield, our brains were the weapons. As the moderator read the last question to Round 3 of the Quizbowl Championships, I buzzed in with "phototaxis", a plant's response to light. "Correct!" I hugged my teammates as victory music blared in my mind and invisible confetti rained down from the ceiling.

In the three months since I have created the team, I have seen it develop from a meeting among few people to a weekly gathering of passionate players. Although we started the season without enough funding or even proper equipment, our love for trivia carried us far into the competition. I am fortunate to have enjoyed such a great intellectual experience and watch as my team overcome adversity with other teams, despite the lack of support.

As we left the room with gleeful smiles, I felt a sense of pride. Like a mother seeing her son taking his first step, I could not have been happier to see my team grow up.

OP sstarfish117 1 / 5  
Oct 7, 2012   #2
someone please help edit this?
Xmsamurai 1 / 4  
Oct 7, 2012   #3
Hereare some grammar changes to make it sound better
weapon at any second

leaned forward, our minds racing, hearts beating fast
meeting among few people
Awkward sounding in my opinion

without enough funding foror even proper equipment
It just sounds better this way

In terms of content suggestions
I am fortunate to have enjoyed such a great intellectual experience and watch as my team overcome adversity with other teams, despite the lack of support.

I don't think you have to state this because you already show it in your narrative

I don't have much to Else to add... This essay shows dedication, and drive to create a new club.
jonesyboi 1 / 1  
Oct 7, 2012   #4
I am fortunate to have enjoyed such a great intellectual experience and watch as my team overcame adversity with other teams, despite the lack of support.


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