My Activity Essay (150 words):
When I joined Key Club International my sophomore year, I wasn't sure what I was getting into; I was simply told that it looks good when applying to college. I soon realized that it would be one of the things that would define my life in high school and my life after high school as well. I discovered that I had a knack for helping others and that I really truly enjoy it. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to run for President my junior year and I succeeded. I was able to further my leadership skills and delve into my passion for helping others, organizing very large and very successful service projects and charity events. I took great pride in the events I partook in Key Club and I cannot wait to be involved in community service in college and beyond.
Word Count:144
Essay prompt, Topic of your choice:
You have just completed your 300 page autobiography; please submit page 217.
...and it is something I still regret to this day. Walking into the same class the next year was very embarrassing and it led to some very peculiar looks on the faces of my peers, but who did I have to blame other than myself? I had gotten a 5 on the AP exam for this very class last year, and yet I was retaking it. AP Calculus AB had been easy for me, and that's why I took the BC exam in May, the same year I failed, and scored a 4.
And with my well known test scores, I walked into class greeted happily by my friends, until they realized that I was in the same class as they were asking me, "Stickel! What are you doing in this class?" I would hang my head low and inform everyone that I had failed the second semester and was retaking the class to improve my GPA; when they asked me what my GPA was, my answer was just as dismal. All this came as a great surprise to my friends, as I did not exactly let everyone know that I rarely did my homework, and that I my disorganized state caused me to lose assignments, including those which I had already completed. And now that I was in AP Calculus again, my cover was blown, and everyone knew my secret.
I would go on to do well in AP Calculus AB my junior year, concurrently pursuing an independent study of multivariable calculus, learning multivariable calculus and so much more under the guidance of my favorite teacher, Mrs. Bilinski. That March, I took the ACT, and was dissatisfied with my performance, and so decided to retake the test in April. Soon after the April test date, I received my March scores to find that I had gotten a 32, and I was ecstatic because I knew I had done vastly better on the April exam. When the April scores came in, I found that I had received a 34, the highest of anyone in my class.
CHAPTER XII: Senior Year
My senior year started out the same as it had every other year, only with harder classes and even higher expectations. The highest of these expectations from my peers and my family was the school that I was going to attend next fall. I had a handful of schools that I wanted to attend, and then there were the schools that everyone else thought I was going to attend. However, with my GPA hovering around a 3.0, there were many schools that were now out of the question, but I finally decided upon the schools I was going to apply to.
I started by filling out all the applications, filling out the application to my number one school, RPI, first and then filling out the rest. Upon completion of the applications, I began on my essays, which would prove to be months of struggling to write essays that would in some way justify my failures, and convince the schools to give me a chance. I was asking a lot from them; I was asking them to accept me, a student with unlimited potential and desire to learn, but had not proved his intelligence where it mattered most- the grades. I proved myself on my AP exams, scoring all 5's and a 4. I tried many different approaches to every essay, and finally I found the best approach. The essay was open-ended, and so I discovered a prompt that I believed could turn the tables, an autobiography. I wrote the essay and was very satisfied with the results. I put the final touches on my applications and sent them in.
I waited with anticipation for nearly two months for my admission decisions to come in. Then, one day, I happened to check the mail on the kitchen counter, and there it was. The seal of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute stared back at me. Hands trembling, I slowly opened the letter. Never in my life was the word "congratulations" so meaningful! My chance had finally come to prove to the world that I could be someone- someone who is organized and meets deadlines. From my mistakes I have learned and I will continue to learn to be the person that I know I should be, and that person has dreams, passions, ideas, and big plans. My plans to change the world, encompassing the new me, will be...
Word Count:744
Do you have any suggestions? I would be more than happy to review your essay if I find your comments helpful:)
When I joined Key Club International my sophomore year, I wasn't sure what I was getting into; I was simply told that it looks good when applying to college. I soon realized that it would be one of the things that would define my life in high school and my life after high school as well
This part seems rather vague. I would replace it with describing in more detail what sorts of projects you actually do and how they've influenced you.
Are you recycling a UPenn essay, or did you just like the prompt?
I don't feel like writing about the application process will help you too much. Because it's page 217 out of 300, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to write more about what you think the future will have in store for you, what you will be like a few years from now.
I'm definitely not an expert, but I don't think it's a good idea to state in your common app essay that Rennsselaer is your favorite school. If I was on an admissions committee, I would be kind of put off by someone saying that another university is their top choice. Obviously colleges know that they aren't always the first choice, but you probably shouldn't rub it in. Like I said, I'm not an expert, but I have known a few people who used this approach and got burned.
Yes, when you write that a particular school is part of your life plan, and when you tell them about your plan to participate in certain programs and clubs, it shows how serious you are.
I would not want to reject a student who has a clear plan.
Never in my life was the word "congratulations" so meaningful!
This is such a nice part of the essay. Maybe you should use "has been", though.
And with my well known test...----this paragraph needs a good topic sentence slapped onto the beginning, so I will know what the heck you are talking about! Don't be mysterious in this paragraph. Add a topic sentence that tells the theme of the paragraph: I had been trying not to seem like a nerd, so I let me friends know that i got some poor grades without mentioning the fact that I was taking AP pre-calculus.
:-)
