Common App short anser "Founding a club"

Hey, I'm not quite sure how my short answer looks ...Any feedback on content or grammar is welcomed!! Since it exceeded the word limit of 1000characters, please tell me which part is unnecessary or how can I make it more concise~ Thanks !!~~

Finding many students, including me, had confusion about career interests and future path, I decided to found a Career Development Association as a high school freshman. Though my teammates and I had prepared for a detailed project for the club application, the school club administration didn't approve it but only allowed a probationary run for one month. Countless thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to figure out ways to appeal students' attention, I decided to invite professional career planners to give lectures on choosing major and answer students' questions. By making phone calls and convincing the seemingly inaccessible guest for a gratuitous lecture, I came out of the "shyness shell" I was living in and began to learn how to make comprehensive plans. Popular lectures like these and workshops on discover one's interest led more students to our club and 150 of them join us. More importantly, the weekly meeting to me weren't just routines but chances to help my schoolmates to develop profound self-awareness to chase their own life goals with sheer determination and engagement I involved had ended up in the clarification of my own future plans. I was happy to find our endeavors not only won permit and funds from school, once ranked one of Top ten clubs but also glad because we indeed help all the members feel more passionate toward their daily lives even confronted with daunting tasks.

Thanks again~

I think this was a good topic to focus on, but there were just some areas of awkward wording
With that fixed, your essay has a good focus and displays your evolution as a leader

Thanks, I'll fix those, what do you think I can do to shorten this essay?

the first three sentences or so could probably be condensed into one stronger, more meaningful sentence. That would help you shorten it and also make your opening stronger and

sorry, could you be more exact , like how to condense