In the space provided, elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or less)
I really should have read the prompt more carefully because I thought it said 250, and wrote a whole essay. So now I have about 80 excess words to get rid of but everytime I try to shorten it it sounds stupid to me. Any suggestions on cutting down, or on grammar, would be greatly appreciated :)
"That's a lemur!" four-year-old Claire proclaimed. Halfway through the Alphabet Animals book that I was supposed to be reading to her, our roles had reversed. I was astounded; I had read this book to six and seven year olds many times, but none had shown such precociousness. She flipped page after page and announced all the animals, "Lemur, leopard, llama, macaroni penguin, manatee..." Wait, "macaroni penguin"? Four-year-old Alexis would have been excited that Kraft was expanding their shaped noodle spectrum, and this little girl knew them by picture.
Read Aloud doesn't seem be very exciting like it would -- spending an hour or two reading Clifford the Big Red Dog, or whatever books I had in my bin that day, but it was! I liked going from the beginning; but it was kids like Claire that made me love it. Every week when I went to the Delaware State University daycare, I was eager to see my kids and see their reading skills improve. It is true what they say, small children's brains are like sponges, and it was exciting to watch their growth and to have been a part of it. I don't think that I could ever be a teacher, but volunteering with my Delaware State kids made me appreciate the job a little more than I already did, and now I know what macaroni penguins are too!
I don't think you need to add at the end "and now I know what macaroni penguins are too!"
It is funny, but if you are looking to cut words those would be some.
Also, maybe you should cut out a few of the minor details. Those are my only thoughts, because I think this essay sounds great. It would be weird to cut a lot of that out.
250 words, is a hard minimum to work with.
This is a start, and I don't think it alters the meaning much, if at all.
"That's a lemur!" four-year-old Claire proclaimed. I was astounded; I had read this book to six and seven year olds many times, but none had shown such precociousness. She flipped page after page and pronounced all the animals, "Lemur, leopard, llama, macaroni penguin, manatee..." Wait, "macaroni penguin"? Four-year-old Alexis would have been excited that Kraft was expanding their shaped noodle spectrum, and this little girl knew them by picture. CONFUSED?
Read Aloud doesn't seem exciting on the surface -- spending an hour or two reading Clifford the Big Red Dog, or whatever books I had in my bin that day, but it was! I liked it from the beginning; but it was kids like Claire that made me love it. Every week that I went to the Delaware State University daycare, I was eager to see my kids and watch their reading skills improve. It is true what they say, small children's brains are like sponges, and it was exciting to watch their growth and to have been a part of it. I don't think that I could ever be a teacher, but volunteering with my Delaware State kids made me appreciate the job a little more than I already did, and now I know what macaroni penguins are too!
This is a well written essay, too bad you have to cut it down!
One thing you could do is start with; She flipped page after page and announced...
If you start the essay from there, it would still be good. What do you think about that?
:)
