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Common App : Short Answer: Swimming as an analogy


adityab 1 / 2  
Nov 4, 2012   #1
This is my first post... not sure how it still works here.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

Swimming: a sport of endurance and strength; a challenge to be the best. Competitive swimming is more than just a sport, it is will to push oneself past their limits. The will to win, whether in practice or a meet, came from my inner mindset to be better. It is the amalgamation of the individual and the team, blending in order to achieve the ultimate success. To me, this was more than a sport. It was a mental test every day, as it was physical; I became the person I wanted to be by going the whole nine yards. I knew I could crash, and took my chances. I put every breath into each stroke, and knew that failure came from relinquishing goals. As much as swimming is a lesson on being tough, it is a journey into life as a leader. Through swimming, I would maintain a demeanor of self-sufficient individuality, and always took lead. I strive to be that leader not only in the pool, but outside. Ultimately, I see swimming as something of an analogy to life: to be something, you have to be yourself.

It broke the 1000 character limit... whatever. Any criticism is necessary, I can take it. Is it a good short answer, or is it the average?
HC2013 3 / 15 2  
Nov 4, 2012   #2
Competitive swimming is more than just a sport, it is will to push oneself past their limits - This is worded a bit weird.

It is the amalgamation of the individual and the team, blending in order to achieve the ultimate success.-This sentence is really good. I think your essay could be really strong if you made this the main focus. Maybe write about how swimming has taught you how to be an individual and a team member in life also. As is it is kind of all over the place. You are relating swimming to a lot of different ideas and it causes your essay to lose focus.
OP adityab 1 / 2  
Nov 4, 2012   #3
Should I omit the idea of hardwork, and work towards developing the idea of leadership and teamwork?


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