Hello. i was considering submitting this to common app. i think i may be focusing too much on my parents tho. at the end i discuss what i've learned from them. what do u think?
"Ready?" my father looks at me solemnly, then breaks into a childish grin. I squeal as he lifts me up effortlessly with his feet, his strong fingers laced between mine to secure my position above him. "You can fly, you can fly, you can FLY!" he sings the familiar song in his deep voice graced with a foreign accent. I spread out my arms and legs and imagine soaring over my dad and around our home. The support my dad's legs provide allows this fantasy to flourish, just as my parents' support has permitted the pioneer in me to explore the horizons that were inaccessible to them during their youth.
My parents were born in the rural part of Poland during the communist reign. During their childhood, their days were filled with multiple chores on the farm and limited necessities. Education was not a priority in their families since books and homework did not provide the food on the table or the clothes on their backs. My parents immigrated to the United States at the prime of their life, when most young adults now strive for a higher education and frantically compete for high-paying jobs. With no degrees in hand and a lack of English proficiency, it was difficult for my parents to find well-paying jobs. By coincidence, they both ended up working in the same deli, slicing meat and mopping floors. Their greatest challenge arose after their marriage when they were delegated with the responsibility of raising two children in a country that my parents were still becoming familiar with. They accepted that their children wanted to assimilate into American culture, and strived to ensure that my brother and I would not forget our Polish background by sharing their language and customs and sending us to Polish school, where we learned about Poland's rich literature and a history dominated by dramatic victories, treachery, and struggles for liberation. In addition to these extra classes, my parents fulfilled their intentions for my younger brother and me to be well-rounded by providing us with other enrichment. My dad often came home with computer games and books that entertained and developed our young minds. My mom bombarded me with extracurricular options ranging from gymnastics to painting classes. The exposure to these activities introduced me to my love of music, art, and math; they were the keys that unlocked new interests, friendships, and opportunities in my life.
My father's presence resides in very few of my childhood memories as a result of his long hours at work; every day he would leave before my alarm sounded and return just when I was brushing my teeth to go to bed. My mom worked as a cleaning lady several mornings during the week and spent the rest of the time juggling housework, errands, and her two children. My dad's absence at home due to his work hours caused tension between my parents. My mom would constantly list the "what if's" of his missed opportunity for a higher education; she had seen potential in him when they married, and he ignored her requests for him to pursue a college degree. Whenever my parents turn down a dream and make sacrifices to pay the flow of bills, my mother turns to me and advises, "You have a lot of opportunities here. Study hard, and get a job that will allow you to spend time with your family and live a life easier than your dad and me." My mom has ingrained these words into my mind, and they motivate me to dedicate all my effort and time to studying and to pursuing my interests in music and other cultures.
I admire my parents' determination to overcome obstacles in a new country in order to provide my brother and me with the resources for pursuing our interests. I have inherited their perseverance, which motivates me to overcome challenges and seize opportunities: I took initiative in mastering the English language during my first few years in elementary school so I could eliminate the language barrier; I studied vigorously to be admitted to an elite Chicago high school; I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to travel abroad. Most importantly, my background and determination motivate me to pursue a goal never reached by other family members in America: applying to a prestigious college. The process is rewarding and exciting for both me and my parents. As I slowly unlace my fingers from my parents' grasp, I hold on to my Polish background that has shaped me into the person I am. In college I hope to pursue my interests in art and music that my parents evoked in me as well as to share stories of my parents' life that have stimulated me into reaching for higher goals and trying new things.
Your essay was beautiful and definitely inspired tears, honestly. The only thing I found reptitive was the use of "my". It is a personal statement however cutting down that word will improve the flow and sound of your essay. But again, great topic and amazing description.
This is an absolutely phenomenal essay.
Just a few grammatical changes
They both worked in the same deli, slicing meat and mopping floors. Their greatest challenge arose after their marriage when they decided to raise a family in a still unfamiliar country? .
My mom worked as a cleaning lady several mornings during the week and spent the remainder of her? time juggling housework, errands, and her two children.
Perhaps at the end you could say "...the determined inidividual I am today."
I hoped that helped,
I would greatly appreciate it if you would critique my common app essay.
