hey i need help reviewing my essay, i have already asked people and they have given me comments, but you can never be to perfect. I'm really hoping to get accepted into notre dame, it's my dram school. these are my personal essays and common app essay. do i need a title for each essay?
Question: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Answer: My years in Nigeria are all but a blur, but I do remember myself at five years of age, sitting my uncle's parlor marveling at the "American" movies he would bring home for both of us to enjoy. Never would I have thought I would get the opportunity to leave the country let alone the continent. But as luck would have it, my opportunity would come as an invitation for my father to serve as temporary ambassador for the Nigerian embassy in Japan.
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Question: In his 2005 inaugural address, Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., president of the University of Notre Dame, challenged our community: "we at Notre Dame must have the courage to be who we are. If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" When you leave Notre Dame, what is one way you will bravely face the world, stay true to your values, and make a difference large or small?
Answer: After graduating from Notre Dame, I plan on doing two things. Firstly, I will return to my birth place in Province of Abuja. Nigeria. After being a first-hand witness to the difficulties that plague my home: malnutrition, corruption, and gang violence, I believe it is my duty to put into practice all I will have learned of leadership from Notre Dame into creating an organization to combat the afore mentioned problems. The organization I envision will focus on removing children from the streets and placing families affected by the community violence, into homes erected by the organization, while providing meals, clothing, and tutoring. I also plan on taking a prominent role in the politics of the community if not the country to combat the corruption in the government most especially in the law enforcement system. My hope is that others in the community will see the changes I have put into motion and begin their own battle for transformation. The second path I will take, is to further my carrier in the bioengineering field. Through this field I will make the world a better place by finding a cure for the diseases that plague humanity.
Question: By the end of the college application process, you will have probably written dozens of essays and responded to a multitude of questions. Use this opportunity to try something new.
Answer: Religion, a sensitive topic, which has the tendency to draw out emotions so strong that many people do questionably radical things to demonstrate their love for their religion. Every religion has their radical organizations, but when asked to describe a religious radical, we (America) are prone to bring to mind images of a dark skinned man, with nomadic garb and a head cloth wrapped around the face, holding an AK-47. We are so quick to forget that radicalism comes in different forms. Like every country, America is home to many religious extremist organizations. We are so loath to talk of them, so as to not tarnish the great reputation we have as a country. Specifically, the Christian organizations who have made it their goal to persecute all who they believe are acting contrary to their beliefs. The Westboro Baptist church claims to be doing the work of the lord; yes I do agree, Jesus says to go into he world and teach the people what it means to be Christian, but it also says in Mathew 7: 1-5, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you", and "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless", in James 1:26. Judging is not the job of man, but of the lord; to judge is to bring oneself to god's domain, an act contrary to the belief many claim to be protecting. By going contrary to the teachings mentioned, you are breaking the greatest commandment ever put forth before humanity: to love your neighbor as yourself.
Question: Why are you interested in attending the University of Notre Dame?
Answer: My high school carrier has lead me to Notre Dame. As a devoted catholic, I have fantasized about attending Notre Dame since I arrived in the United States and became a Hoosier. I chose Notre Dame because it is one of few institutions that offers a brilliant nationally acclaimed biology program that enables me to expand my education while embracing and developing my religious life through its countless available masses. I have learned much and more about the campus life from current students who tell me of the small classrooms that foster one-to-one communication with the professor. But what truly draws me to Notre dame, is its athletics. I love watching Football, or as I like to call it hand-ball, as well as soccer, even playing it when I was given the chance. I believe Notre Dame is the right place to foster my love for sports for its intermural sports program is geared towards bringing together its student creating bonds that will last a life time. As a result, Notre Dame has become more than just another school, it has become something to aspire to.
