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Common App essay - bicycling the country


sickziphere 1 / -  
Oct 31, 2009   #1
This is actually a modified version of a speech I gave before my school a few weeks ago. My college guidance counselor suggested I tweak it to be used as my essay in response to the prompt

"Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." It is still quite rough, and a little strange [since it was written targeted towards ~400 students].

PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK. any and all comments are useful!
This comes in at about 944 words.

This summer, I rode a bicycle for 6 weeks on a coast-to-coast ride across America with 9 other cyclists. We woke up every day between 3:30 and 4:00 am, and by sunrise we were already on the road- some of the most beautiful and stunning sights I've seen took place before 5 in the morning. We carried everything we needed on the backs of our bikes- food, water, stoves, fuel, tents, sleeping bags and clothing. Every day and every town was memorable, and I know they will stick with me for the rest of my life.

We averaged 81 miles a day through 10 states, beginning in Savannah, Georgia and ending in Los Angeles. Typically, we wouldn't ride for more than 20 miles in between short breaks, and everyday we had to stop at a grocery store of some kind- we did end up burning about 7000 calories per day. All meals were prepared, cooked, and eaten together. At night, we would usually camp out, or else occasionally sleep in a church/rec center. As a group, we avoided large towns and cities- our itinerary was all about American small-town hopping.

The trip itself was organized by Overland, a small Massachusetts-based summer hiking, biking, and service company. They describe the trip, aptly named The American Challenge, in a short paragraph. It says: "The American Challenge doesn't require previous experience-it requires determination. The American Challenge isn't a race-there is no sag wagon or support team. The American Challenge won't change you into a "hard core" biker-but it will change the way you see yourself and the world around you. When you get to the Pacific, you will jump off your bike, race across the sand and dive into the water. You'll scream, yell, shout and hug. Onlookers will not understand, and even if you tried to explain what that moment means to you, they probably still wouldn't get it. That's the way a lot of the American Challenge is."

Everyone did the American Challenge for different reasons. One kid was a die-hard Lance Armstrong supporter who wanted to get ridiculously fit. Another person joined to be away from their family for a while. Sita, a girl on my trip, came from Ireland and had never been to the United States in her life; she was looking for cultural experience. I had been thinking of doing this trip for about a year- my dad, who also rode across the country after college, said that for him it was nothing short of life-changing. I did this trip because I wanted to see, experience and photograph the country, but I also wanted an adventure of growth for myself.

Perhaps the most essential part in completing the American Challenge is teamwork. While everyone arrived in the Savannah airport as strangers, after about 2 weeks you start to feel closer to these few people than many others you know. Everyone supported each other by carrying a share of the group's weight, but also supported each other emotionally when someone was discouraged, homesick, or exhausted. Simply put, the group came before the individual. Everyday had different challenges that the group had to face together; 120 degree heat, 25 mph headwinds, 30 mile mountain climbs, car crashes, broken spokes, flat tires, exhaustion, dehydration, heat stroke... and despite all this, everyday was ended with an immense feeling of accomplishment and happiness.

Now, I could go on and talk about the menial figures and numbers, but that's really not what the American Challenge was about. For me, this trip was about going entirely out of my comfort zone- letting go of materialistic concerns, living nomadically, and above all finding myself in strange, quirky, eye-opening situations that make you realize "wow... this is real life, this is who's out there, and this is what they do".

Life on an extended bike tour is incredibly refreshing- Your days are committed to simplest of human actions- moving from point A to point B. Everything you own occupies about two backpacks of space- and while this may seem extreme to some people, it really is a huge weight lifted off your mind. There are no worries or daily irksome obligations for you to think about, and the very simplest sights will make your day incredible [though the trip was full of staggering views as well]. Just being able to wake up and go to sleep in different places each day was great, and the people you meet along the way reinforce the good memories.

To do this trip, you don't need to be insanely fit. All you really need is the mental commitment, and the ability to find the simpler comforts in life. On the first day of riding, I told myself I wouldn't let a single mile of the trip beat me- and not a single one of us ended up walking our bikes for the whole trip.

The American Challenge soon became more than simply reaching the Pacific Ocean. It was about helping others and challenging myself, not just reaching a final destination. The one objective most important to me is the happiness of myself and others. The trip allowed me to change my perspective on this topic. It has left me with a resonating sense of accomplishment, and it has taught me important lessons on the nature of culture and of being human. Since my return, I've recommended this trip to everyone I know with a sense of adventure, or who may want to learn about themselves and the United States. The American Challenge is simply too great an opportunity to overlook because of difficulty or challenge- it has been unforgettable for me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 2, 2009   #2
I'm really sorry I didn't get to this in time! I hope you do well. If you still have not submitted it for some reason, I suggest writing the numbers (i.e. six instead of 6).

In that last paragraph, you might change "talk" to "write" because it is not a speech anymore... but that is no big deal.

Your days are committed to simplest of human actions- moving from point A to point B. -----> I really like tis sentence! Looks like it is preceded by a dash, though, instead of a period?

Awesome, this is well-structures and every paragraph is presented with confidence and clarity.


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