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Common App Prompt 3: From the Bonds We Share Until Further Notice

InvisDJ 1 / 1  
Jan 7, 2019   #1
Hi, there. I will accept almost any sort of feedback. I am doing the prompt:

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea

What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

I need lots of help on the flow and style of my essay. Also, I would like if I could get a better title for my common application essay.

As a child, I had strongly believed that friendship could only be built on trust. As society is today, trust is extremely hard to come by. Therefore, I only had a small group of around 10 made up of true friends growing up, ones who I could talk to freely without a care in the world. I wished to have friends that gave me total freedom from the restraining control adults had. Those remaining were classified as an acquaintance in my head. Those around me had hundreds of friends with little to no discrepancy between each "friend". Social media played a role by misguiding and unintentionally influencing their users to mark every friend, enemy, close friends, and acquaintances as a friend by default. However, recently, Instagram posted a new update to allow users to customize their "Close Friends" list. But, that's beyond the point. I stuck to what I thought was right persistently year after year without fail. Sadly, life doesn't like to play fair and my ideas were going to change forever.

Years passed by. Maturity developed. During the summer before 10th grade, I obtained a well-deserved vacation to Xiamen, China. There I met my soon-to-be-best friend, ______. This destined encounter leads my world into a state of disarray. Slowly but surely, she gained my trust. Now when I look back, I find that wasn't the only reason she became my best friends. We had similarities, similarities I never noticed until before. Upon the afternoon of August 2 in the year 2018, she casually remarked that "friends aren't all about trust, you know ... " That seemingly casual statement changed my concept of the world overnight.

Throughout the night, I was deep in reflection. Hours ticked by. Frustration grew as I contemplated the meaning of true friendship. I tossed and turned, refusing to succumb to the powerful lull of sleep. I questioned myself if a friendship could be formed from feelings other than trust. I asked myself if true friendships were caused by trust and only trust. I probed my memory for past interaction with my companions. I researched the true meaning of friendship with the power of Google. Perhaps life's answers aren't as obvious as they seemed to be.

Throughout that restless night, I found an answer. An answer acceptable to my standards. I confidently concluded that friendships don't only have to do with trust. For now, friendship is a complex, dynamic number of connections that allow people to bond from their common interest and values with the addition of having quality and meaningful time spent together. With an unforeseen bonus, I gained the ability to try and try again against the impossible until I reached something that I find worthy to be called mine. After all of this, I mean myself a new person. I made myself have a sense of responsibility to the happiness and well being of my true friends. After all, the true meaning of anything is subject change, until further notice.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3250  
Jan 7, 2019   #2
Dylan, the first thing that will happen when he reads this essay is that he will get irritated by the exaggeration that you opened the essay with. Never open your essay with "As a child..." because the reviewer will be in disbelief. A child has no capacity for the type of mindset and thinking that you are portraying in this essay. The best way to open this essay would be to instead, reflect on the time when you came to question the friendship that you had and how you came to question the friendship because of her comment. You may also want to skip the reference to Google for the meaning of friendship. Instead, you should pose a challenge to the belief of your friend. Defend that you believed that friendship was based on trust because of some personal reasons. Then show how you compared the two beliefs and how your new understanding of friendship evolved from it. Only then will this essay be more reflective of the prompt requirements.

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