Prompt: A topic of your choice (Personal Statement)
Sweat dripped down from my face as I stared into my opponent's face. She was not the typical opponent that one would expect to face. She stared right back at me, yet I could not find her eyes. She smirked at me, yet I could not detect her mouth. The monster disguised herself in the most elegant form. The beauty she possessed enchanted anyone who looked at her. I stared hopelessly at a calculus problem that asked for the derivative of an obscure trigonometry function.
I focused hard on my opponent. The memories of my first trigonometry lesson ran through my mind like an unstable oscillating wave.
"What's the sine of pi over six?" my impatient sister interrogated me.
"Uh... ˝?" I replied uncertainly after a few seconds. I had just learned the unit circle twenty minutes ago.
"What took you so long? You should be able to answer the question in an instant" she snapped her fingers in my face.
My flashback stopped there because recalling further into the two hours of continuous noise will negatively affect my quiz grade.
Yes, my first and only exposure to trigonometry before I took calculus I at a summer university program was a two-hour screech provided by my sister. I originally planned to take Introduction to Calculus, but it was unsatisfying. After I attended two lectures and took one quiz, I realized that it was going to be a relatively easy class. I quickly flipped through the book and recognized one-third of the materials in the book. This did not satisfy me, however. Quickly after reaching this realization, I changed my class to Calculus I, an action deemed many deemed "crazy".
And yet my timing could not have been better. They had just finished reviewing pre-calculus topics after I transferred into the class. The first day of class, I listened attentively. The words that came out of the professor's mouth entered my ear as if he was speaking a foreign language. I was able to make out all the symbols he used on the chalkboard: delta, epsilon, greater than, less than, but they did not provide me with any insight into the cryptic message hidden within the hieroglyphics. I was happy. The fast pace and intellectual challenges the class provided were satisfying. Thankfully, after three hours of self-study, I learned all the limit materials but I still had to take on trigonometry. I studied trig during the night, not willing to lose any moment of the university campus experience.
The two nights that I had to study before the quiz did not prove to be adequate for that problem. I still had time to change my classes back. A locked piece of memory that fuels part of my ambition and determination suddenly appeared in my mind. I saw an innocent child who climbed into the water that was filled with white dandruff and dead cells and bathed. The child was me and the residues were from my parents' skin after a day's work in a family operated take-out Chinese restaurant. I have come a long way since then and there was no way I was going to turn back. I had also fallen in love. The mathematical beauty of the limit and the derivative had already captured my heart. I wrote my attempted solution and put it on a stack of other students' quizzes.
This is my third year taking calculus, due to school policies and restricted class offerings. My understanding of trigonometry could not have been better even if I had taken a formal class. Even though calculus remains as intriguing to me as it ever was, I've taken on a new secret love affair: linear algebra. Through MIT's Open Course Ware, I can obtain the course notes and watch video lectures on this fascinating application of matrices. I cannot wait to see how this course of study evolves without any formal guidance.
Common App Short Response
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer)
The first complaint I received from a customer while working at my parent's restaurant was "There is a string of hair in my food". Not knowing what to do, I became concerned and called my dad, who is never there when I'm working, for advice. He told me "Just apologize and give him a 10% discount" and hung up. Not believing the plan will work, I nervously executed his orders. To my surprise the customer was satisfied and even said "The food was good". Since then, I have learned how to make executive decisions and many leadership skills. Today I am able to handle customer and worker complaints, emergency situations, and inspection officers easily. When a new problem comes up, I no longer call my dad for advice. Instead I use my own discretion to determine how I should handle the situation.
Please point out my grammatical errors. Also comment on the content please. Thank you so much!
Yes, my first and only exposure to trigonometry before I took calculus I at a summer university program, was a two-hour screeching session (?) provided by my sister.
I quickly flipped through the pages of the book and recognized one-third of the materials it contained.
This did not satisfy me, however.Right after reaching this realization, I changed my class to Calculus I, an action many deemed "crazy".
The two nights that I had to study before the quiz, did not prove to be adequate for that problem.
:)
Good luck!
Thank you for the revisions. I have a question. Why is a comma needed after quiz in "The two nights that I had to study before the quiz, did not prove to be adequate for that problem?"
Also can you comment on the content of my essays (whether is it a good essay or not).
Lastly, can you correct some of the grammatical errors in the short response?
Thank you so much!
Are we allowed to bump our own threads?
It would be nice if someone can comment on the context of my essays and correct any grammatical errors in the short response.
Thank you!
hey, first thanks for the comments on my essay,,,,
umm, I really like your short answer and the style of your essay. It's is well written...but doesn't personal essay suppose to show your personality? The impression I got after reading your essay was that you do love math. Isn't that more of your academic interest?
well...but it's just my personal opinion...
Good luck:)
That is true. My essay does focus a lot on my academic interest. I was hoping that it shows my initiative in learning and my love for challenging subjects.
Thank you for the advice!
The essay is a good explanation of your academic interest, but it doesn't seem like a right fit as a personal statement. Nonetheless, it is well written and focused. Remember, always relate back to the question of: Does this essay paint a picture of Linnus?...or something/someone else. Help me edit mine! eek, its due in two days :(
The narrative style of your essay is really intriguing and captures the attention of the reader. The way you describe the calculus problems make it seem super appealing.
My only real grammatical concerns is this sentence:
"My flashback stopped there because recalling further into the two hours of continuous noise will negatively affect my quiz grade."
I'm not sure how to correctly phrase it, but it seems kind of awkward. My lame attempt to rephrase it:
Forcing myself to concentrate, I realized that I had no time to have flashbacks of the two hours that construed itself as continuous noise.
The "continuous noise" is a good phrase, but it's really hard to stick it in that sentence. It makes it seem long and unnecessary, but I don't want to get rid of it at the same time.. Maybe you can use it somewhere later on in the essay where it would flow better.
Also, you're not supposed to capitalize class titles such as the introduction to calculus and calculus I.
And to correlate your academic interest with your personality you can include a few sentences at the end about how you were timid and unsure at first, but you passed the course through hard work. Write about how you were able to finish that quiz, hinting your determination. You can also include something that will portray how you fell in love with calculus despite its difficulty. The fact that you learned to love something shows that you like to be stimulated and challenged intellectually. The essay itself does portray your personality, but I believe that a few simple sentences or words can reveal it to the reader with a more profound effect.
Thank you for your advice and suggestions! They really help me a lot.
What do you think about my short answer? Thanks again!
First, I'll say that your essay is great. It really is interesting (as others have mentioned), and that is something that admissions people really appreciate. If you can say as much with fewer words in some places, you can improve it.
As for this part:
The two nights that I had to study before the quiz did not prove to be adequate for that problem.
That was entirely my error, and I don't know how I made it. I misread the sentence. Sorry! That is not very helpful when I correct a sentence that is already right, and make it wrong! :)
Sorry!
