Hello :) This is my common app essay. Unfortunately, I haven't had much time to work on it, so it is still in draft mode, but hopefully it will be fine for the early deadline. For a few notes...I am most worried about the ending. Should I spend more or less time describing the visit's impact on my current self? Does it sound cliche/unoriginal? Also, please look through my essay's body for anything that could be clarified, elaborated on, or cut out.
One of my most meaningful childhood memories has a temperature of below -300 degrees Fahrenheit.
During a warm summer afternoon seven years ago, my family and I went to the local Discovery Museum and Planetarium. I was immediately intrigued, yet confused, when seeing the science museum's displays such as radiant laser systems and images of probes in space. Next to the exhibits were the "laboratories" for children, playgrounds where my brothers and I would unravel the universe.
In particular, I was attracted to the liquid nitrogen demonstration. The container the employee prepared looked like it was filled with steam, yet it appeared more dense and nebulous. And it was cold - colder than -300 degrees Fahrenheit, making me wonder "How far can nature go?" As the employee described the properties of liquid nitrogen, I couldn't help feeling astonished by the substance. It seemed surreal, mysterious, dangerous, deluding me with its presence. I needed to know more.
The museum staff prepared an experiment, in which an employee submerged an air-filled balloon into the container of liquid nitrogen. Being sure to exercise proper caution, she lowered the inflated balloon into the container - and to my amazement, it appeared to shrivel up, like a decaying leaf detached from its tree. I was again intrigued; the balloon seemed to deflate, to die, something that my 5th grade education couldn't explain. It was nature in a seemingly unnatural state. But I was reassured when I learned that the oxygen in the balloon had too been liquefied, and that placing it on a warm surface would return it to normal. I was amazed. It had been resurrected from the dead.
Despite this awesome conclusion, I wasn't truly amazed by the balloon display. I wasn't truly amazed by how cold the substance was. I wasn't even truly amazed by how it could be used to prepare ice cream. Instead, I was left in awe at how much I didn't know; I, the 5th grade scholar, who was placed in gifted math and English. I thought I knew so much. That day elucidated how oblivious I was to the rest of the world, and actually how joyous it was to still be so open to new ideas, to have the capability to absorb so much.
Six years later, I observed the outside surroundings. The sky was dark, yet I could not see the stars, for they seemed to be cloaked in mystery, like the liquid nitrogen of six years ago. It began to appear in the sky. It appeared in the trees, in the earth, in the stars, in other human beings. And during all of this, I saw my childish nature reborn. I still have that natural curiosity. I still have that insatiable hunger. There was that simple joy of being so open to knowledge that still attracted me, that made me want to not only answer the questions of the universe but create more. And the luminescent stars, the sky, the woods, and all of nature's enigmas revealed to me that the once dormant curiosity of an intrigued 5th grader has finally awoken, with the voracity of a lion to expand and apply those lessons from liquid nitrogen.
Nicely written essay, quite passionate. I can't tell you how good it is though, since you didn't write which prompt you chose... Anyway, I just thought you were going slightly over-the-top with the whole liquid nitrogen experience. You could try to write about at least one more thing that shows how you became interested in learning about the world.
