Briefly describe how your interest in Colby developed and why you have decided to apply for admission.
I looked in too a lot of colleges online over the year, yet Colby is the one place that most spoke to my interests. Early in my college search I learned that I prefer a liberal arts college to a larger university. The cooperation between the faculty and undergraduate students, the sense of community, and the flexible, interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum are all important to me. Also, my high school experience was greatly enriched by the diversity of the student body, and I am impressed by Colby's rich history .To say the least, I'd be proud to say that I attended one of the best liberal art colleges in the United States.
I plan to major in Economics at Colby. After my researches, I took some extra time to learn more about financial aid for international students. Getting a scholarship is one of the main things to me. Colby gives a great opportunity with its financial aid program for international students. I am also impressed by Colby's Jan plan, and it's environmental studies. I'm drawn to a program that supports the move from classroom learning to creative hands-on, real-world applications.
Finally, as the rest of my application clearly demonstrates, becoming a leader is a most important part of my life. I've been working on it whole my life and I hope to continue performing and developing my skills throughout college. What better place than Colby to do so?
Can you please check my grammar and maybe add something ...
In the manner of grammar, you're doing quite fine. Here's a few things that I would consider changing:
- Your first sentence didn't give me much interest in your essay. I read the first sentence and told myself "well this is going to be boring." The body of your essay seems completely fine to me, and I did enjoy reading it, but you may want to reconsider your introduction sentence.
- I'm also feeling a bit iffy with your final paragraph. Using transitions is good, but "In conclusion" and "Finally" have always seemed like rather boring ones to me. Your conclusion overall seems a bit too standard, and the goal is to stand out from all of the other people. Feel free to modify my version in any way you'd like, that way it's your words and not mine, but here's what I put together that you may be able to work off of:
"As a result of the events in my life, leadership has quickly become my primary goal. I am extremely interested in pursuing and developing all of the skills required to reach this goal, and Colby will give me an excellent opportunity for that."
- Also, I did spot one small grammar error:
"I am also impressed by Colby's Jan plan, and it's environmental studies." Take the comma out, as the "and" isn't being used as a sentence combiner, it's simply saying Object 1 + Object 2. With the comparison of only two objects, the comma doesn't belong.
Hope that helped!
