Hi guys! I would really love to get some feedback on my essay. The prompt is: "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence." --- I wrote about Satoshi Tajiri (the creator of Pokemon) and I'm really trying to convey my love of art and how Pokemon inspired me to get into it. I've left comments in parenthesis within my essay to note places I need some assistance with. Also, keep in mind that I am not applying for art school and I'm using this opportunity to show I have an extracurricular activity (b/c I don't do sports or music). Please be brutal. I'll be happy to give feedback on you essays if you comment :)
Often when we reflect upon our favorite televisions series, movies, and comics we discuss the influences of the tenacious protagonist, the trustworthy companions, or the heart wrenching struggle of the misunderstood villain, but rarely do we consider the mind behind the work. It's the minds behind the work that captivate the masses, their creative endeavors personified that move us, and their courage to share their work that allows us to become inspired. (I'm struggling w/ finding a transition sentence here)
Every Saturday morning just a little before 8 o'clock, I, in unison with hundreds of other American children, plopped myself in front of the television ready to be captivated by the iconic work of Satoshi Tajiri, a Japanese video game designer, founder of Game Freak, and internationally known as the creator of PokĂŠmon. Tajiri's world was filled with pseudo-magical elemental creatures that lived a symbiotic relationship with the people of Earth, with whom they often created lifelong partnerships. His audience viewed this world through the eyes of Ash Ketchum, an ambitious, hardworking, and trustworthy character who valued friendship and fairness. His world was memorizing and at the age of six I instantly fell in love with it. This love manifested itself in various ways, including the ownership of hundreds of PokĂŠmon cards, various PokĂŠmon video games, and even a homemade Pikachu Halloween costume, but most significantly it manifested itself through my art. I was inspired not only by the story and the relatability of the characters, but also by the animation and the idea of having my creative work shared with the world. So, my early years my admiration led me to craft countless illustrations of Ash alongside Pikachu and even shameless sketches of myself as a PokĂŠmon character with my own PokĂŠmon companions.
Though, as I grew older, my undying devotion to following the adventures of Ash and his friends faded. However, the creative inspiration that Tajiri's work provided me never faltered and inspired me to further pursue my creative endeavors. And so, propelled by ambition and a love of art, I spent hours locked in my room drawing and painting, attempting to recreate the images I sketched on my schoolwork or practicing my digital lineart skills (The wording feels strange and forced to me. Any suggestions?). I put myself out there by sharing my work on online art communities, including deviantART, anipan, and tumblr - sites which also gave me the opportunity to follow the works of amateur artist and even professionals like Camilla d'Errico and Aya Takano. Art had become more than a hobby - it became my passion. I developed my own unique art style, characters with their own unique personalities, relationships, and backgrounds, as well as my own narrative and lessons to share through my art.
While my work may not teach the importance of camaraderie and entertain thousands of people every day, it's mine - I am the mind behind the work.
(I'm having difficulty finding a way to connect my 1st paragraph and make it into an effective conclusion. Or is the 1st paragraph even needed - I quite like it and I'd prefer to find a way to integrate it better. Also, comments on the amount of content I have about myself?)