This is a bit too short, but I don't know how I should expand it. Any input would be really great, thanks!
The prompt is: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
The people who have had the most influence on my character are not the sort I would want to introduce to my parents. They have self-inflicted piercings and tattoos, wear grubby clothes, and listen to unintelligible music. They combat capitalism, cars, and cleanliness. Two years ago, I wanted to be just like them; I wanted to be a crust punk.
I met this motley crew through a mutual friend, who wears a keffiyah but showers regularly. At the time, I fit in with their appearance - I had a Mohawk hairstyle that varied along the color spectrum - but I was an outsider in ideals. Of course I scorned the President and opposed the war, but that was the extent of my revolutionary actions. These young radicals fought animal cruelty by practicing veganism, resisted dependence on oil by riding their fixed-gear bicycles everywhere, and combated occupation in Iraq by participating in anti-war rallies. Ben, Adam, and Spooky were not attractive to me for their activism, but because they were so secure in their ideas and personalities. They were so adamant in their opposition to conformity and mainstream culture that they made anarchy seem like an appealing and conceivable societal structure.
As I became better acquainted with the crusties, as they are so lovingly dubbed, I began to gradually change some of my habits. I bought less, biked more, and attended a few marches, all the while crying my solidarity with those opposed to the system. We had potlucks, and I would bake vegan brownies in hopes of demonstrating my camaraderie. I listened to their political outbursts with my eyes similarly aflame with radical spirit, but silently disagreed with their manifestos. Desperately, I wanted to be accepted by them, to be strong and confident like Spooky, but she and I was not the same person. It took me nearly a year to recognize this, and to recognize myself.
My relationship with the unwashed clan has since diminished, partially because they all attend or have dropped out of different high schools than mine. A greater reason, though, is that I have realized that I do not want to be a crust punk because that is simply not who I am. I like taking showers and I do not think anarchy is a plausible method of government (or, in this case, non-government). My anarchist friends did not make me a different person; they were more of a catalyst for my realization of who I really am.
I did glean some traits from the crusties, but it was because they fit with my actual character. I do drive, but I would rather bike or take public transportation because I find them more enjoyable. I listen to bands like Crass and Wingnut Dishwasher Union not to be directed on who I should be, but because I like the music. Baking vegan goods is not a political statement, but a way to make cookies a bit healthier. I am no longer concerned with conforming to the ways of others because I am content to let my own character adapt without being forced into an unwelcome form.
Even though my friendship with Ben, Adam, and Spooky was not to be a lasting bond, and at the time did not seem at all significant, I can now appreciate my encounter with the crust punks as a noteworthy step on my perilous journey of self-exploration. Security in self allows me to be concerned about much more important matters than if my shirt is grungy enough. By being able to find the value in myself, I can more readily value the ideas of others without worrying about having a similar mind. Lasting relationships with people whose thoughts differ from my own is entirely possible, and quite welcome.
Hi. Overall this essay gets to the point. Though I would suggest some changes
I find this sentence a bit too unexpected: "However, I was not doing these things for myself, but rather to fit in with my new friends. I may have believed in my actions, but it was not for the right reasons." Try to make the transition more subtle.
Also, work a bit with the ending. Reword it into something more powerful.
Good luck :)
Add some commas:
As I became better acquainted with the crusties, I began to...
I like taking showers, and I do not think veganism will make... ---> maybe you should rethink the second half of this sentence. The laws of supply and demand disagree with you.
However, I have to admit your essay is quite funny. It certainly does reflect your great, thoughtful approach to life and your "real-ness" as a person.
Finally, I'd like to say that this thoroughly entertaining essay is like a big engine with no car to power... or perhaps in this case, it is like a great fixed-gear bicycle with no one to transport. Well, what I am saying is that it has lots of potential to make a very convincing case for your assertion about how serious you are about your plan for college, but you do not bother to express one. The essay should not be about crust punks, but about your plan for college -- the plan for someone who has gone through this process of self-exploration.
You might want to begin the essay with a definition of "crust punk" from some kind of urban dictionary.
Thanks for this entertaining essay!!
