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Common App Essay - Prompt 4 "how I defeated my social anxiety"

aklflol 1 / -  
Oct 9, 2020   #1
I feel like my essay is a bit cheesy and cliché in some part, what do you think?

Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve.

It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
(650-word max)

Some people excel academically while others are suited for social interaction which can give them the advantage to succeed in their environments. However, I was not naturally gifted with social skills. This was a problem that I struggled with for much of my life especially when communicating with my colleagues and my peers. There have been a couple of opportunities, which I did not exploit such as participating in leisure clubs and or work experience which involves direct client interaction, because I prefer to work behind shields of comfort and my fear of public speaking to avoid making any mistakes. Eventually, I noticed a huge gap between my colleagues and I due to my lack of refined social interaction skills and lower self-esteem. Once I made this realistion, I acknowledged that I could not solely rely only on my academic skills, therefore I needed to enhance my social skills to succeed in my future.

Initially, it was very challenging for me to work on my social skills but I found the best way to solve my problem was to do volunteer at local camps and charities, which would force me to interact with others. I have spent over 200 hours volunteering at various community centers, where performed tasks such as working with vulnerable groups, such as the disabled, orphans and the elderly. One of my most remarkable experiences was serving at Haya's Cultural Center. At the start of my experience, I faced a couple of obstacles since I was reluctant to confidently communicate with the others. This resulted in feeling like an outcast by being instructed with tasks with the least responsibility and not being invited to the regular meetings. This ignited my anger; I start questioning myself. I felt that I was wasting my time at the center. I gained my courage to reframe my thinking and embrace stepping out of my comfort zone, to make my voice louder and demonstrate my innate value.

Following that, one of my first experiences when I felt true change in my character was when I was assigned to head a classroom full of teenagers. The teenagers did not respect me at first, which was frustrating. However, I did not give up and after consulting one of my supervisors for pointers, I managed to run the class smoothly. The second time around, I was placed in a different classroom, however, I managed to use my newly refined interpersonal skills to better communicate with the students. It was not just the students which I learnt to talk to, but also my supervisors. I started becoming more involved in my tasks, and started forming relationships with my associates.

Day by day, I started finding my rhythm. The administration of the center gradually trusted me more and later on I was appointed as summer camp supervisor. I dealt with different age groups, and learnt how to lead and manage a group, and became quick-witted at solving problems and adapted well within different groups. This reflected on my developed skill set and my organization skills. I also learnt how to effectively cooperate with others. It was at this point that I came to appreciate the value of collaboration since which allows tasks to be accomplished quickly and successfully.

imhana 5 / 9 5  
Oct 10, 2020   #2
Hi there!

I fully understand that your major problem is in the lack of communication but from your essay especially in the part that you do a volunteering activity in Haya's Cultural Center it did not clearly show how you overcome your issue. I think you need to give a further explanation about how you overcome your communication problem before you explain about another expreriences.

Good luck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,735 3072  
Oct 10, 2020   #3
With the limited word count that you were provided, it is impossible to accommodate a highly intricate explanation of how you solved your personal dilemma. Your presentation is understandable enough and clear enough to the reviewer. You do not need to be overly explanatory in the presentation. The shorter but clearer your explanation, the better. The reviewer needs to be finished reading your essay within 3-5 minutes so the length you used, and the information you presented it adequate. The actual problem with the essay has to do with the grammar issues. You need to be consistent with your time frame. Review the presentation. Make sure you refer to all previous information in the past tense presentation. Unfortunately, I cannot fully edit the grammar of your essay as that is one of the professional services we offer. What you can do is run a simple spellcheck on your essay. MS Word is more than capable of helping you clean up the grammar mistakes be it in UK or USA English.

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